I Have A Confession To Make… It’s Time To Come Out Of The Closet…

And I’m wondering… have you been hiding in there, too?

I have been running my own business for over 12 years now, as a certified NLP Trainer, a Meditation Teacher, a published Author and a senior management Mentor.

And my clients love how I can help them almost as much as I love being able to serve.

My inner Leo LOVES getting up on stage and helping people create transformation in their lives.

And I LOVE being on video, creating podcasts and writing articles – and meeting people both face-to-face and online.

But here’s my confession – and it’s something that most people don’t know about me:

I run a really strong ‘introvert’ pattern.

What does that mean?

Well, it certainly doesn’t mean that I’m shy or lacking in social skills (I hope!). But it DOES mean that I have a huge need to recharge my inner batteries in a quiet, solitary environment. So late-night networking parties where people have to yell over the background music or super-sociable mid-seminar lunches are my personal idea of business hell 😉

It also means that most of what works for other business owners and senior managers will NEVER work for me.

And I know I’m far from being alone.

Most of us are running a limiting belief that you have to be a super-high-octane extrovert to be successful in business. But – thank goodness – that’s simply not true.

What IS true, however, is that you have to use different strategies to succeed, if you’re running an introverted pattern.

It impacts how you relate with your co-workers, with your customers and even with your family.

When you’re running a strong ‘introversion’ preference, it can make it hard to spend your day surrounded by people. You need to preciously guard your ‘me-time’, to recharge your batteries and avoid burn-out – or yelling at a colleague or customer!

It can be hard to find ways to do this, when you’re a business manager with deadlines and responsibilities, so I thought you might find it useful if I shared four different ways I handle this, and yet still run a successful business – and do my best to be a good mum!

I hope these mini case studies inspire you – and I’d LOVE to hear your stories and suggestions, via the comments box.

1. How do I handle being a seminar leader and business trainer, with an introvert preference?!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE standing in front of a group of people and inspiring them to change their lives – and the world. But I also desperately need to recharge my batteries during the breaks in a training course.

It’s something I had already been doing for YEARS, even before I certified as an NLP Trainer over a decade ago. My Inner Leo loves being on the stage. 🙂

This means that having students milling around in the training room during breaks, rather than drinking their coffee in the break-out area, acts like a short-circuit on my batteries. Add in socialising during the lunch break and perhaps doing informal mini-mentoring during the afternoon breaks and I’m scarcely fit to drive home by the end of the day.

So, over the years, I have had to learn to pace myself, to set firm but compassionate boundaries and to be as flexible as possible with the rhythm of a course. Nowadays I’m up front with my students. I tell them before the break that I’ll be chucking them out of the room so I can have some quiet time to prepare and deliver my best efforts for them in the next session.

As with so many things in life, if you give someone a ‘why’, it’s amazing how happily they’ll help you to meet your needs.

And chances are that some of your students will be breathing a sigh of relief, as they realise that it’s ok for them to have ‘quiet-time’ needs, too.

2. And what about students on my courses who need quiet time?

And as for handling students on my courses with introversion preferences! Well, if they have hit their ‘people-limit’ for the day, then I need to keep an eye on that and, instead of doing big group exercises, I give them the chance to work in pairs or even rejig things to give the group some quiet thinking and processing time. It’s a juggling act, but there’s no point in trying to force someone who desperately needs some ‘me-time’ to keep being part of a group process that they don’t have enough energy for.

And I always run my courses in venues with some great outdoors space, so that I can chuck students outside to recharge their batteries (one of the six essential end-of-week battery rechargers for introverted entrepreneurs and business managers).

Flexibility is the key!

3. What about friends and colleagues who are running ‘extroversion’ preferences?

Another example is a gorgeous friend of mine who, like me, is a reformed engineer and business trainer, though in a different field. She runs a super-high extroversion preference. So she recharges her batteries through high-contact socialising.

For the first year of our friendship we did a yo-yo between me feeling overwhelmed and her feeling rejected, whenever we tried to find times to meet up. Then, one day, we had the ‘Duh! Moment’. We realised that she recharges her batteries by being surrounded by lots of people, whereas I need the quiet time. So if I turned down an invitation, it didn’t mean that I didn’t love her. It meant that I needed to love me.

Now we ‘get’ our differences, we can always find solutions that work for us both.

4. And what about being a mum?

And finally… My kids… This is going to sound realy stupid, but it took me about five years to work out that one of my boys is like me – running an introversion preference, whereas my other two boys run a STRONG extroversion preference.

It means that my eldest son comes home from school and runs upstairs to read a book for 1/4 hour before coming back down to play, whereas my younger sons immediately bounce outdoors for more, more and even more playing. Give my middle son a morning playing at Kindergarten, followed by an afternoon playdate with friends, followed by more playing with his brothers and he’ll get to bedtime wailing that “I haven’t had enough play time yet today!”

The side effect of all of this was that spending time with my eldest – the introvert – recharged my batteries. But spending time with the other two drained them faster than a fire hose on a garden water butt.

I did this for YEARS without realising what was going on. But now I have strategies that keep me going – and allow them to be who they really are. In fact, simply realising our different needs – and finding ways to talk to the boys so we could all be aware of our needs – made a massive difference. Though it’s still a constant learning curve!

The biggest piece of advice I would give you is to consciously become aware of what works for you and what doesn’t. Keep a diary for a week and spot what drains your batteries and what recharges them. Then take inspired action. And don’t be afraid to tell people that you need to go and recharge your batteries!

So there you are, four examples of how I have found creative solutions to needing that rare-as-hens-teeth down-time, whilst being a busy mum and running a business that’s all about spending time with people!

I would LOVE to hear how you handle this, via the comments.

And I’m curious – are you an Introverted Entrepreneur?

You are not alone! And that is why I have created the Introverted Entrepreneurs’ Club. Join us today and you’ll get our fabulous fortnightly newsletter – full of insider secrets that you can apply while the kettle boils – as well as membership of our private Facebook group.

Membership normally costs £17 per month, but I’m feeling super-generous while we’re in the pre-launch phase (the bells and whistles arrive in Autumn 2014), so if you register today, it’s yours as my gift – for as long as you’re a member.

And there’s more!

If you’re like me and on your knees by the end of the week, then you’ll love my video series “Six Essential End-Of-Week Battery-Rechargers For Introverted Entrepreneurs!” It’s out next week and it’s yours free (instead of the usual $47), as an early birthday present, if you register today.

I’m so excited to have the chance to share this journey with you.

With love, Namaste,

It’s Ok Not To Be Perfect! A Simple Mindset-Shift That Could Transform Your Team (And Your Life!) In A Heartbeat

Dancing In Your Soul Shoes

In the business world, is our obsession with ‘personal development’ and ‘strengthening our weaknesses’ actually achieving the opposite of its intention? Is it perhaps leading to a torrent of under-performance and stress-related illness? As well as negatively impacting the company’s bottom line?
Should we re-think – or ‘re-feel’ – how we’re approaching developing our teams – and ourselves – to create a happier, more productive, more passionate workforce? Here’s an idea for a simple midset shift that could transform your team in a heart beat.
[Read more…] about It’s Ok Not To Be Perfect! A Simple Mindset-Shift That Could Transform Your Team (And Your Life!) In A Heartbeat

Six Essential End-Of-Week Battery-Rechargers For Introverted Entrepreneurs And Business Managers – And Super-Busy Mums!

How To Change Your Life

One of the ~~challenges~~ joys of being an entrepreneur or business manager who runs a strong ‘introversion’ preference is the number of people that flood through your day. Whereas some people find it highly energising, if you’re running an ‘introversion’ pattern, you’ll find it exhausting.

And by Friday you’ll likely be on your knees, compensating with a cocktail of caffeine, sugar and irritability. 🙂

Being an ‘introvert’ in the Myers-Briggs sense doesn’t mean that you’re shy or lacking in social skills. It’s all about how you recharge your batteries. And an introvert needs to do that by spending quiet time, ideally on their own. Whereas someone with an ‘extroversion’ preference recharges their batteries by being around other people.

So if you’re an entrepreneur or business manager with a strong ‘introversion’ pattern, it’s easy to reach the end of a week of meetings, conference calls, people popping by to say ‘hi’ or whinge or ask for advice – and hundreds of emails feeling totally drained. And we often don’t realise why.

Are you seeing this pattern in yourself? Or in a member of your team?

Luckily there is plenty you can do, even if you’re super-busy, to manage your energy levels, to reduce those energy drains and to make it to Friday without needing to spend the weekend in bed!

Here are six essential end-of-week battery rechargers for introverted business managers

Learn how to pace your energy
It’s ok to build in pauses to top up your energy levels.

For example, if you know you have an intense afternoon, schedule yourself some battery-recharge time in the morning and evening.
Even if that means hiding in the loos while you do some mindfulness practice – whatever works for you – those minutes of battery recharging will pay dividends to your ability to concentrate in the times you’re at your desk.

Practise saying no
It’s ok! And if you can’t say ‘no’, at least practise saying ‘later’!

If someone is asking you to do something that you know will overload you with ‘people-time’, then it’s ok to tell them that it doesn’t fit for you at that time. Either duck out of the commitment or ask to reschedule it.

This is especially important with things like after-work socialising, which might feel like a semi-compulsory career move, but which might also be your worst nightmare, at the end of a busy day. Experiment with solutions – perhaps telling people you’ll leave after an hour or arriving later – be honest with them and they’ll respect your choices (and learn from your example).

NNT = Meditation Time
NNT Meditation (non-negotiable time) is perhaps one of the most profoundly powerful ways to rebuild your energy stores and even 10 minutes a day can make a huge difference.

Even something as simple as sitting up straight, gently closing your eyes and letting your attention rest on your belly breathing for 5 minutes will make a difference.

If you don’t already have a daily meditation practice – or you’ve fallen off the wagon and would like to rekindle the habit, then you’ll love the ‘Meditation For Business Managers’ course that will be one of the bonuses for my Dancing In Your Soul-Shoes members this autumn.

Get out in nature
But one of the absolute best ways to recharge your batteries is to go for a walk in nature.

It grounds stressed-out energy and reconnects you, at some deep level, to what is ‘real’ in life, rather than the stress-stories of your Monkey Mind. This one could be harder, depending on where you live, but getting out of the recycled computer-angst-laden air of your office and breathing fresh(ish) air outdoors will help massively.

If you have the option, spend some time barefoot if possible, or sit under a tree and watch the world go by. It’s amazingly effective and even a few minutes of being in nature and simply breathing deeply will re-energise you.

Close the door and send calls to voicemail
… and turn off your email for an hour or two – it’s absolutely ok to give yourself the space to concentrate.

I remember back in my final corporate job that the CEO wouldn’t agree to voicemail – if your phone rang and you weren’t at your desk, it would divert to ring every phone in your team’s ‘call group’ until someone in the office answered it. We worked in a huge open-plan office, so for me, with an introversion preference, it felt like the phones were constantly screaming at me. The interruptions were near-constant and it was hugely draining.

For someone who thrives on interacting with others, this was fabulous. But for those of us who needed quiet time to concentrate and perform to the best of our abilities, it was near-hell.

If closing the door and voicemail isn’t an option for you, then what would work? What could you do, instead, to create the quieter space you need – at least for a short time? There is always a solution, if only we speak our needs calmly and get creative.

Build in daily fun time
Laughing releases tension and re-energises you, flooding your system with happy-feeling endorphins.

Doing something that makes your heart sing takes you out of your thinking mind and back towards the ‘real you’, deep down inside. It’s an incredible way of re-energising yourself and cranking up the dial on your inner happiness thermostat.

The biggest piece of advice I would give you is to consciously become aware of what works for you and what doesn’t. Keep a diary for a week and spot what drains your batteries and what recharges them. Then take inspired action. And don’t be afraid to tell people that you need to go and recharge your batteries!

If you’re finding that your batteries are pretty much always running on empty, then it’s essential to deal with the underlying causes. It could be stress or diet or simply thought patterns that are dragging you down.

I’m curious: which of these strategies could you use today? Do you have any favourites of your own? Let me know which shifts you notice – via the comments box!

And perhaps there is a member of your team or a loved one that could benefit from this article? Please feel free to share it with them.

With love, Namaste,

Had Enough Of Your Inner Critic Yet? 5 Sure-Fire Techniques To Tame It Today

Dancing In Your Soul Shoes

We all know that feeling… You’re totally fired up and about to start doing something really important and you know it’s a bit of a comfort zone stretch… And that little voice in your head starts talking… It’s telling you all the reasons why you won’t be any good at it and how you’re never any good at anything… And you know you believe it, because it’s told you often enough over the years… You feel that tightness in your stomach, your body tenses and you feel fear and panic rising…

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

You don’t have to live on the whim of your Inner Critic – your negative self-talk – you can tame it – today. And it’s surprisingly easy, when you know how.

But, before we start:

How do you know if you’ve got an Inner Critic?

You’ll KNOW if you run an Inner Critic programme. The most common side effects include:

Low self-esteem – you beat yourself up each time you try to do something important and it’s fantastic at reminding you about your mistakes

Stress – your Inner Critic is responsible for the vast majority of stress in your life

Self-sabotage – just when you’re about to achieve what you have been dreaming of, your Inner Critic leaps in and pulls the rug from under you

Insomnia – if you’re lying awake at 3am, then chances are it’s your Inner Critic choosing the bedtime stories

Feeling exhausted – your Inner Critic is running the show on everything from your physical health and your energy levels, through to your emotional and mental health

‘Ok-ness’ – the Inner Critic is the biggest single reason why most of us put up with a life that’s ‘ok’, rather than ‘great’

Guilt – your Inner Critic is incredible at reminding you about all the things you didn’t do or the ways you let people down (its words, not mine!)

Some of my clients and students go so far as to call their Inner Critic their ‘own worst enemy’. Strong stuff.

Feels familiar? Are you fed up enough of it yet? Then here are five techniques you can use today to tame that critic and move on with a happier life!

Is it time to tame your Inner Critic?

Here are 5 sure-fire techniques you can use today.

I have been where you are with my Inner Critic – and it sometimes pops back and reminds me it’s there, when I least suspect it. But, fortunately, after over a decade as an NLP Trainer and a Meditation Teacher, as well as being a reformed Mechanical Engineer, I have developed plenty of practical strategies to handle it – fast.

Here are five of my favourite ‘do-them-today’ techniques to help you to tame your Inner Critic and to set yourself free from its negativity.

Fact: You are not the same as your inner critic. It is ‘just’ a thought in your head.

Let’s start by setting the record straight: although most of us identify pretty strongly with our inner critics, we are not the same thing as our critic. It is JUST a train of thought – a sound-track that we’re used to playing.

No matter how it might feel, it isn’t actually real.

When you realise that, it gives you the power to make changes.
But while you’re falling into the trap of believing that you and your inner critic are one-and-the-same being, then it will always hold the power.

Quick Fix: When you feel an Inner Critic thought coming up, press pause (yes, you can do that) and remind yourself: “This is not who I am. This is a thought I am thinking,” and let it go. Feel the relief bubbling up.

Don’t make the mistake of fighting it!

I’m not suggesting you indulge your Inner Critic’s every whim. But I AM strongly suggesting you don’t out-right reject it, fight it or try to ‘get rid’ of it. Why?
Because, as Carl Jung pointed out:

What you resist persists – and that goes for your Inner Critic, too.

So if you fight your Inner Critic, you are resisting it. That means you’re giving it loads of attention, you’re giving it 100% of your head space (free rent!) and you’re spending loads of time thinking about it.

Like a tantruming child, feed that Inner Critic and it’ll learn to do more of what got it the attention it wanted. That’s why I talk about ‘taming’ your Inner Critic, rather than ‘getting rid’ of it. You’re retraining the part of you that runs it, instead of rejecting part of yourself, which will only ever lead to pain and conflict.

Quick Fix: When your Inner Critic gets ranting, stop what you’re doing and notice that it’s there (then it doesn’t need to shout so loudly). Say a silent, “Thank you,” (even if you don’t feel like it – but it’s the opposite of ‘rejecting’) and then consciously choose a happy thought.

If you’d like to discover how to become a total pro at this, then meditation and mindfulness could be your best friends.

Already a member? Login

The rest of the five sure-fire techniques to tame your inner critic are only available to members of Dancing In Your Soul-Shoes.

Join us for Dancing In Your Soul-Shoes today and you’ll get my fabulous fortnightly newsletter – packed with practical inspiration that you can apply while the kettle boils – as well as membership of our private Facebook group.

Silver Membership normally costs £17 per month, but I’m feeling super-generous while we’re in the pre-launch phase (the bells and whistles arrive in Autumn 2014), so if you register today, it’s yours as my gift – for as long as you’re a member.

Woo hoo, %%FIRST_NAME%%! You get to read this article because you’re a member of Dancing In Your Soul-Shoes. Thank you! With love, Clare x

Stop feeding its pesky stories!

Your Inner Critic loves drama and makes the nation’s favourite soap operas look dull, in comparison with the stories going on in your head. We all LOVE drama. That’s why people love to gossip. It’s why they love to share stories. The more dramatic, the better.

Unfortunately, when it comes to your Inner Critic’s stories, the more you feed them, the worse you feel and the further you move from that amazing life you have been dreaming of.

Quick Fix: Stop feeding the stories. When you feel an Inner Critic conversation coming on, press pause and consciously choose about whether you want to dive in to that drama, or whether you want to focus on something else instead.

It doesn’t matter how far you have gone into the ‘drama’ before you realise, you can always press pause and come on out again.

If you’re feeling stuck, right now, grab the nearest small object to you, pick it up in your hand and really see it – see how the light reflects on it, how the shapes and contours give it its form. Feel the weight of it in your hand. Feel the textures. And then – the icing on the cake – take a moment to connect with that object, from your heart, and to thank it for whatever it does for you. Aim to do this for about a minute in total and it will physically shift the biochemistry in your body, releasing endorphins and helping you to feel happier.

There. Story paused. And you can move on with a more empowering mood!

Delete the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary.

Yikes! That’s a biggie! How often do you use the word ‘should’ in a typical day? I should do such-and-such. I ought to go to that meeting, even though I don’t really want to. I should offer to help Fred this weekend…

It’s there like a naff theme tune in our day-to-day lives. But… How does ‘should’ make you feel?

I’m guessing it triggers a sinking feeling in your stomach, a slouching of your shoulders and back and a frown on your face.

And your Inner Critic is addicted to ‘should’ – because it knows it’s a great way to get our attention!

Quick Fix: If you feel ‘should’ coming up, pause and ask yourself:

**“Who says?” and “Is that really true?”**

And let the answer bubble up. Notice what comes up for you and use it to gain insight into old auto-pilot behaviours that might have been keeping you stuck. Awareness is the first key to change – through choice. You can choose whether or not you want to respond to ‘should’ – or whether you want to make conscious choices about your thoughts, words and actions, instead.

Psst! You don’t have to listen to it…

Most of us listen slavishly to that negative self-talk, replaying it over and over, especially when we’re stressed.

But you don’t actually have to listen to it. Just because you’re having a thought, you don’t have to tune your radio to that frequency for the whole day. You CAN choose to turn down the volume and just let your Inner Critic get on with whatever it is complaining about, in the background. Here’s a scenario:

Quick Fix: Imagine a scene in a classic sit-com – the wife is ear-bashing her husband for some mistake he has made, he carries on calmly reading his newspaper (or nowadays Tablet) and nodding politely. When she has fully vented her spleen, she demands to know what her husband thinks of what she has said.

“That’s nice, Dear,” is the only response she gets.

He does get rattled. He doesn’t argue back. He totally rides the wave of her drama and annoys the hell out of her by refusing to dance the destructive dance.

What would happen if you were to play that game with your Inner Critic, once in a while? Give it a good old “That’s nice dear” and then ask it a question about something that moves things forwards, such as, “I’m wondering… What would you most like to do next?” And watch what happens!

Time For Action!

So, which techniques are you going to use today? And when you have tried them out, let me know which shifts you notice, via the comments box, below.

If you enjoyed this article, please share it far and wide via Social Media – it’s my gift to you.

Here’s a tweetable – to make it easy!
Tweet this: Had enough of your inner critic yet? 5 sure-fire techniques to tame it today!

And here’s an image you can share on Facebook – just click on it and click the ‘share’ link to spread the word about taming your Inner Critic!

Want More…?

I really hope you found these techniques useful. Of course, we’re just scratching the surface here. If you’re feeling inspired to dive in more deeply and deal with that pesky Inner Critic, once and for all, then make sure you’re watching your inbox this winter, because Taming Your Inner Critic will be one of the courses for my gorgeous Gold Members of Dancing In Your Soul-Shoes!

It’s a six week programme that will help you to deal with that pesky Inner Critic – once and for all. Woo hoo!

With love, Namaste,

Soul-Sized Wednesdays – The #1 Message Your Soul Wants You To Hear About Your Dreams – Right Now

Videos

Welcome!
Today I’m sharing with you an unexpected video – it’s not the video I had planned. But it feels like the message that is needed, right now.

The #1 Message Your Soul Wants You To Hear About Your Dreams – Right Now

I’d love to hear from you about what it is that you’re going to get started on, once you have watched this video 🙂 Please let me know via the comments box, below! [Read more…] about Soul-Sized Wednesdays – The #1 Message Your Soul Wants You To Hear About Your Dreams – Right Now

The Gentle Art Of Letting Go

How To Change Your Life

What if I told you that pretty much everything you have ever been taught about how to change your life is back-to-front?

What if I told you that you have most likely spent your entire adult life rowing as hard as you can upstream, when everything you have been looking for was waiting for you, downstream?

What if I told you that trying, trying, trying and then trying some more is one of the best ways to make it nearly impossible to create the life of your dreams?

Would you think I’m crazy?

Or would your Heart and Soul tell you that it’s finally time to let go?

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