Clare Josa | Author And Keynote Speaker

UK's Foremost Imposter Syndrome Expert, International Keynote Speaker & 8x Author

Inspirational Messages

What’s The Problem With Loving Fridays So Much?

Inspirational Messages

We love Fridays so much that there have even been restaurant chains and TV shows named after that ‘Friday Feeling’.

And we hate Mondays so much that people have written songs about them and hospitals say that Monday mornings are their worst time for stress-related emergency admissions, such as heart attacks.

[Here’s a helpful article on dealing with the Monday morning blues, in case you need it!]

What’s going on?

Why do we give so much power to a day of the week?

It’s curious how many stories we tell ourselves about Fridays and Mondays. And we believe the urban myth that we are supposed to hate the start of the traditional working week, whilst yearning for its end.

Surely that leads to us wishing away most of our time?

Isn’t life a bit short for that?

Those of you who are regular readers of this column will know that we tend to believe the stories we tell ourselves. So if we keep reinforcing the fact that Mondays are bad and Fridays are great, then that is what we will believe – and we will filter our experiences to notice only those events that support that belief.

I’m intrigued about whether we could turn things around, through a simple change in our attitude?

Nelson Mandela, when being released from his decades in prison, said that had he left prison still feeling anger and resentment, he would still have been a prisoner.

If he can work his way to a place of acceptance of losing 27 years of physical freedom, surely we can get our heads around letting go of this Monday / Friday thing?

I’m curious:

What’s going on with Fridays and Mondays for you? Why do you think the Western world has turned them into such a big deal?

Do you think we use it as some kind of ‘badge of honour’? Do we gain something from complaining about our working week? Is the problem real, or is it just a cultural habit?

I’d love to hear your views on all this – perhaps you could spare a moment to share them via the comments box, below?

In the meantime, here’s wishing you a very happy Friday!

What’s The Difference Between Fear And Excitement?

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I remember this one from years ago, when I was studying to become an NLP Trainer. I still remember how I reacted to first hearing it, too. So I invite you to bear with me on this one, before you pick up those rotten tomatoes to lob my way 😉

The difference between fear and excitement is about 2 inches.

OK, for some people it can be 5 inches, but the idea is the same.

What on earth am I talking about?

We feel every emotion at a point in our body. For most of us, we experience the physical sensation of fear and nervousness in the stomach area. Our language describes it as the ‘pit of my stomach’ or having a ‘gut instinct’ about something. And for most of us, excitement is pretty close by. We describe it as butterflies in our stomach. Many of us experience fear – and excitement – as affecting our digestive system. Since emotions are chemical reactions in our body, they are inextricably linked with our physical experience.

What's the difference between fear and excitement?
What’s the difference between fear and excitement?

The difference between the location of fear and the location of excitement is about 2-5 inches. Often (but not for everyone), fear is about 2 inches lower than excitement.

Please bear in mind that I’m talking about the kind of fear we feel when we have a big project or challenge or change to work on – the type that stops us from doing what we really want to do or say – rather than the ‘Watch out – there’s a sabre-toothed tiger over there and he’s looking hungry’ variety.

The great news is:

While our Monkey Mind is telling stories of ‘scared’ and ‘anxious’, we can shift the emotion to ‘anticipation’ and even ‘excitement’ by working with the body.

So if there’s something you want to achieve, or a dream you want to turn into reality, there’s no need to fight your Monkey Mind. instead you can play with this technique:

Use the power of your intention to move that feeling of ‘scared’ or ‘nervous’ physically into excitement.

  1. Think about something who’s want to do that you feel nervous or apprehensive about – we’re looking for a 3 out of 10 – no biggies here, and certainly no anxiety attack-scale fears! We’re just playing with the technique.
  2. Notice where in your stomach area (most likely) you feel that emotion. Take a moment to connect with the physical sensation.
  3. Then imagine you are moving it a few inches higher up your body.
  4. Notice what happens. What happens to the emotions that you feel? What happens to the thoughts you are thinking?

For most of us, this simple technique is enough to turn apprehension into anticipation. And from anticipation, it’s a much smaller step to a sense of bubbling excitement.

Moving from fear to excitement doesn’t just make us feel better – it shifts our focus away from problems and towards potential solutions. And it improves our performance at whatever that task is.

The more you play with this, the easier it becomes, until you find it’s an instinctive reaction and life becomes much less serious. It becomes more exciting, fun and playful.

Is there a situation in your life where you could play with this technique today? I’d love to hear how you get on, via the comments box!

 And if you want to deal with the secret triggers for our mind-story fears, you’ll love the strategies in my book Ditching Imposter Syndrome. You can find out more and get your copy here.

Why Dumping Your Excuses Is Just A Thought Away

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“An excuse isn’t real – it’s nothing more than a thought that you have had a bit more often than is helpful.”

Neuroscientists have proven that a thought we think regularly becomes hard-wired in our mind. Like a well-trodden footpath, it is easier and quicker for our mind to follow that path than a pathway that is newly-forged and still quite overgrown.

An excuse is a thought we have had often enough that it becomes a well-worn path and we no longer just think it; we believe it. Once we believe it, it becomes a filter in our unconscious mind for our experience of life. It has earned a place in our repertoire of auto-pilot programmes for life.

Excuses aren't real; they're just thoughts we have 'thunk' a lot!
Excuses aren't real; they're just thoughts we have 'thunk' a lot!

But an excuse isn’t real. It isn’t something we can pick up and hold or wrap up in a bow, no matter how solid, real and true it might feel to us.

It is no different to all the other neural pathways in our brain.

Want to know how to change – or even release – an excuse?

NOT using Pollyanna-style positive affirmations.

To change an excuse (belief), you need to create a new neural pathway in your mind by choosing another thought to believe, and then walk that pathway regularly.

Our unconscious mind will have chosen that old belief / excuse carefully and – at some level – deliberately, to protect us from something. It is pretty convinced of the truth of it. So simply telling it that it is wrong by reciting the opposite belief (the ‘Pollyanna’ approach) is likely to meet with considerable resistance and require major willpower to produce any kind of results.

Think about a time when someone tries to sell you something. If they try by telling you that you are wrong and they are right, what happens? How does that feel? Which emotions come up for you? Are you more or less likely to believe them and then buy into their idea?

So why would you use that approach with your unconscious mind? After all, you’re trying to sell it the idea that the old excuse is ready for an upgrade…

If your belief is along the lines of “I’m not able to do this,” the likelihood of your mind welcoming a ‘counter-belief’ of, “I AM able to do this,” is pretty low (unless you have hard evidence).

What can you do instead?

Instead of directly contradicting your unconscious mind – and setting off its ego warning alarm – you’re much more likely to see success if you start thinking about possibilities.

For example:
“I wonder if I could do this…”
Or
“What would it feel like / how would I act, if I could do it?”
Or
“Perhaps I could do this, after all?”

Your first job is simply to open the door to thinking that things might be possible, rather than beating yourself up about the old excuse.

Creating new thoughts in the form of possibilities or questions reduces your mind’s natural resistance to change and makes it more likely that you will choose a thought that sits comfortably for you – that is potentially believable – and that you will think more often.

How about trying it out right now?

Is there something you want to do or a change you want to make, where your excuses have been getting in the way?

Which new thought could you think about it, that would start to turn your ship around and steer it towards its new course? Think that thought a few times. How does it feel? Do you need to tweak the thought? You can change it whenever you want. In fact, changing it regularly (to become wider, more expansive and more open to possibilities) will prevent it from ever restricting you in the future.

Then all you need to do is to cover your home / office / inside of your eyelids with post-it’s and other types of reminder to tread the new pathway!

Remember: each and every thought you have creates a pathway in your mind or reinforces an existing pathway. Choose those pathways with care – and love. They create the ‘future you’.

You can choose your thoughts. All it takes is conscious effort. It isn’t difficult and it doesn’t hurt, but it does require choice. And the bonus is that it can change your experience of life.

Which new pathways might you choose to walk today?

If you experiment with this technique, I’d love to hear how you get on. Please let me know by commenting on this post. If you have found this article helpful, how about sharing it with your friends, perhaps via Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest?

Wishing you a day full of sunshine and laughter.
Namaste,
Clare

 

Why Change Has To Start With Your Thoughts

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Here’s a quick bonus article for you, from today’s Daily Sunshine email – we’re talking about how change needs to start with your thoughts.

“You won’t change your future if you keep thinking today’s thoughts.”

Our thoughts are like tiny messengers to the Universe.

Our thoughts act like tiny messengers to the Universe, telling it and our unconscious mind what we want – and what we believe is possible.

If we have a dream or vision and regularly think thoughts about it being achievable, then it is likely to come to us.

But if we spend our time thinking about how it is unrealistic and unachievable – or difficult and we are not worthy of it – then that is what our future will hold.

Remember: our beliefs are like filters for what we see ‘out there’. If we believe something will be difficult, then we’ll spot the evidence that supports this. If we believe that something will flow and fall into place, then those are the opportunities and synchronicities that we will see.

So if you have been aiming towards a dream or vision, but finding progress is slow and hard, then it’s time to take a peek at those pesky thoughts, to see if they’re holding things back.

How do you spot what those thoughts and beliefs are?

There’s a simple way of telling. Complete the following sentence:

“I haven’t achieved my dream yet, because…”

The ‘because’ bit holds the key to the limiting beliefs, fears and prevailing thoughts that are holding you back – they’re also known as our ‘excuses’…

How do you handle these?

The easiest place to start is asking yourself the question:

“Is it really true…?”

… or is it just an excuse or a fear?

Once you have the answer to this, it puts you in a position to choose a thought that moves you closer to your dream. And you can choose your thoughts. It just takes practice (and a quieter mind helps, too! Need help with that? There’s always the 28 Day Meditation Challenge 😉 )

Wishing you a day full of sunshine and laughter.

Namaste,
Clare

P.S. Like Daily Sunshine? Please share it with your friends.

With love from The Little Book Of Daily Sunshine: www.DailySunshine.com

Whose Pain Is It Anyway?

Inspirational Messages

“All criticism is borne of someone else’s pain.”
Native American Indian saying

All criticism is borne of someone else's pain - bonus article
Sometimes people do stuff that’s really unacceptable.

Yes, there’s a sliding scale so ‘unacceptable’, but it’s still not ok.

It’s our tendency to retaliate in some way – perhaps by behaving unkindly or even doing something nasty to them. It’s easy to hold resentments and grudges and to allow those to colour our exoerience of relating with that person. We can direct all sorts of painful emotions towards them and even stay awake half the night, replaying the movie of how terrible their actions were.

But there’s a difference between the person and their actions – a person is not their behaviour.

The behaviour – the actions – are the outwards appearance of the person. What is deep down inside, the essence of that person, is different from their actions. At some level, they are running the same kinds of auto-pilot responses that we do. At some level, they just want to be happy, just like us.

Deep down, most people (no matter how bad their behaviour) are just muddling their way through life, without much of an instruction manual, just like us. Their choices about their behaviour might be pants, but that doesn’t make them a bad person – any more than it would make us a bad person, when we make bad choices.

So there is a difference between the person and their behaviour – the actor and the actions.

Like actors in a play, what we show the outside world isn’t necessarily the truth of who we really are, but is a script – a series of behaviours – that can change.

When we remember that, we can set ourselves free from much of the pain. We create a space between their action and our response, which can allow us to choose a response for the long-term higher good, rather than short-term retaliation.

It’s a challenging mindset shift, but it gives you back your personal power and helps you to be less impacted by others’ actions.

And it’s the key to cultivating compassion, if that’s what you choose to do.

Namaste,
Clare

P.S. I really hope this article has helped you. It’s a bonus article from my ‘Let Your Light Shine‘ programme.

If you have been on the receiving end of someone’s criticism, or if you’re keeping yourself stuck dreaming big, but playing small, then it’s time for you to Let Your Light Shine.

This is a beautiful 5 day online course to help you set yourself free from the fear of ‘Haters’ and ‘Trolls’, so you can get on with making a difference in the world. With a smile on your face! xx Clare

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