Your thinking mind is the bit that gets you stressed; so it’s lucky that your unconscious mind holds the magic keys to setting yourself free!

Hi %%FIRST_NAME%%,
Welcome to day 8 of How To De-Stress With Mindfulness.

How are you getting on so far? Any insights? Any questions?
 
Please make the most of the online forum, even if it’s not usually your ‘thing’!

It’s a core part of this course – allowing you to benefit from interactions with others, to get answers to your questions, to get moral support when you need it and to gain deeper insights – making faster progress – towards your de-stressing goals.

There’s no obligation to join in, but you’ll get so much more from this course, if you do!

If you have any techy questions, please email a member of my team on hello@clarejosa.com to get help! Thank you 🙂

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How did you get on with the ideas and exercises from last time? Fancy sharing?
Week Two: How are you getting on?:
How are you getting on?
 
And here are all of your week two resources:
Week Two Resources

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Let’s start with looking at your personal stress patterns.
 

How Do You, Personally, ‘Do’ Stress?

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that before you set off on any journey, it’s useful to know two things:

1. Where you are right now (we’re looking at that now)
2. Where you want to go (we looked at that last time)

 
Where are you now?
I don’t expect you to be able to easily answer that question, because it’s not one we often think about. So I’d like to make it easier for you, by asking you to answer some questions.

We’re going to start with a silly exercise, which is a potent way of getting to the deeper ‘stuff’ that might not be in our conscious awareness. Sometimes adding in a sense of the ridiculous helps us to get past the usual ‘rational filters’ and access the deeper truths. I’m going to ask you to play along with this and see where it takes you.

 

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What did you notice, doing this exercise? What have you learned about how you, personally, ‘do’ stress?
Fancy sharing? Here’s a special discussion thread at the online community:
How do you do stress?

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Need a bit more detail? Let’s look at your stress triggers.
 

What Triggers Stress For You?

It can be difficult to pinpoint the trigger for an emotion or chain of thoughts, so here’s a magic question that I use with my one-to-one clients (and myself!) to figure out what’s kicking things off.
 

I feel stressed because….
The ‘because’ holds the key to your stress triggers; your reasons; your (dare I say it!) excuses.
How would you finish this sentence?

It could have many answers. How about taking a moment to jot a few of them down, right now. Writing them down helps you to get them out of your head and will give you more clarity, from which to take inspired action.

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Done?
Got any insights you’d like to share?
Here’s a dicsussion thread – check out which of your stress triggers are the same as other people’s – and perhaps you’ve got some that are unique to you? Stress Triggers: I Feel Stressed Because…
 

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Awareness

Awareness is the first step towards making changes.
Awareness gives you back your choice.

Without awareness – self-awareness – you’re stuck on ‘auto-pilot’.

When we’re lost in ‘doing’ stress, we don’t have awareness about the processes we’re running. That’s why it is so helpful to figure out the ‘where you are now’, before taking action to deal with feeling stressed.
Without awareness, any action you take is likely to be random with unpredictable outcomes.

Fortunately mindfulness practices and NLP are great ways of reconnecting with a sense of self-awareness. They help you to break free from the auto-pilot cycle. It’s something we’ll be coming back to each week, over these ten weeks.

Inspired Action

Nothing changes without action.

Leave things as they are and that’s how they’ll stay.
I know that sounds obvious, but you might be surprised how often people talk to me about wanting to change their lives, but then keep on thinking the same thoughts and doing the same things, wondering why old patterns keep repeating.

It’s amazing how often we expect things to shift, without taking action or doing anything about it.

But if you want to make deep-acting, long-lasting change, the kind of action you need is ‘inspired action’, not just any old random thing.

You can spot ‘inspired action’ because it kindles a sense of excitement, deep inside you. At some level, you know it’s going to work.

What’s the easiest way to find ‘inspired action’?
To know where you are now and where you want to go. When you’re clear about that, inspiration comes knocking at your door.

What does ‘inspired action’ look like?
It might be as quiet as choosing to feed different thoughts. Or it might be as big as leaving a job. Whatever it is, action produces change; ‘nice ideas’ don’t.

How different might life feel, if we saw it as a journey where we could create opportunities to make the shifts we want, rather than waiting for the external circumstances to change?

You are the architect of your dreams. But even the most beautifully-designed house remains just a picture on paper, until someone takes inspired action to build it.

Given the insights you have been discovering about how you ‘do’ stress this week and what you want from the next ten weeks, I’m curious:

Is there an inspired action you could take today?

What might be the first step – even a tiny one – that you could take before the end of the day today?
 
 

 
Today’s Affirmation:
 
I choose to become aware of how I ‘do’ stress; I am open to taking inspired action.
 

 

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Feeling inspired to share?
Which inspired action could you take today, to help cut your stress levels?
There’s No Change Without Inspired Action.

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Where Are Your Answers?

One of the things I’m passionate about, whether it’s when I’m writing, working one-to-one, leading a seminar or creating online courses, is trying to get myself ‘out of the way’. This journey isn’t about me; it’s about you. It’s not about me giving you answers; it’s about me helping you to figure out the answers that fit for you.

There’s no such thing as a ‘one-size-fits-all’ – especially when we’re looking at stress. If you check out the discussion thread from the ”alien meeting’, you’ll see that we all ‘do’ stress differently. We might share core themes, but the nuances and clever tricks are unique to each of us. So if I were to tell you that I hold the answers you are looking for, I’d be lying.

But I do have some great techniques for helping you to figure out the answers you most need – and to inspire you to take action on those answers – and that’s the point of this ten-week course.

The problem is that most of us are looking for the answers in the wrong place.

Here’s where we usually look for solutions:

• On the internet (yeah, like our unconscious mind hid the rulebook somewhere out there?!)
• In the pile of books on our bookshelves
• In the teachings of the latest ‘guru’ or ‘expert’
• In the latest fancy life-changing ‘process’ or ‘technique’
• From our friends and family – they know us better than most, but they can only advise us from their own experience
• From our Monkey Minds

With the exception of the Monkey Mind, all these sources of answers have something in common –they’re ‘outside’ of us – they are relying on someone else having figured out the solution, to tell us what to do.

If we’re brutally honest with ourselves, is it really likely to work that way? Can someone else ever get inside our heads well enough to tell us exactly what we need to do, when we’re the only person in the world with the map? They might be able to help with symptoms, but handling the driving factors – the root causes – is something that we are the best qualified person to do.

The final place – your Monkey Mind – doesn’t hold the solution, either.

As Einstein famously said:
“A problem cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created it.”

In other words, your mind creates the problem – it creates the experience of stress – but its patterns and habits mean that it doesn’t hold the answers; you need to go to a different level to deal with the root causes, once and for all.

All problems are created by your mind.

Whatever is happening in life, no matter how wonderful or difficult it seems, our mind tells us how to experience it.
If we feel trapped by a situation, it’s because our mind tells us it is so. If we feel hurt by someone’s actions, it is because our mind tells us we should be. If we feel unlucky over an outcome, it is because our mind tells us we are. If we feel stressed about something, it’s because of the stories our mind is telling us.

Your mind decides whether or not to turn the experience into a problem.

So where are the answers hiding?

When we connect with our heart, we quieten down the mind’s ‘story’ and ‘drama’, opening up the possibility of connecting with a deeper wisdom. It’s our heart that offers us the chance to create solutions that are for the highest good of all involved; that lead to peace and happiness; that are created from love, not fear.

And the mindfulness techniques we are covering over the next ten weeks help you to gently come out of your thinking mind and back into your heart, reconnecting with your inner wisdom.

One of the trademarks of a solution that comes from the heart, rather than the Monkey Mind, is that it is simple and, once you’ve ‘got’ it, it’s obvious. It usually comes with a forehead-slapping ‘Duh!’ and a sense of it feeling right.

If you were to ask your heart what inspired action you could take to help you progress towards feeling less stressed, I wonder what it might say?
 

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Want to find out?
Here’s a short meditation you can listen to, to help you reconnect with your heart’s wisdom and move towards your answers:
Reconnect with your heart’s inner wisdom – MP3 guided meditation.

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Want To Know The #1 Mistake That Blocks Change?

I’m not going to beat around the bush on this.
I’ve seen so many thousands of people fall into this trap, when trying to change their lives, that I want to let you into the secret right away.

You and your behaviour are totally separate things.
You are not your behaviour. Your personality is just a set of clothes you wear when you’re awake.
You are not what you do!

I really struggle when I hear people make statements that put them in boxes: “I am an addict.”; “I am co-dependent.”; “I am bad at such-and-such.”, “I am stressed.” These are statements that glue a behaviour to us at the level of our identity – the core of our being.
You don’t ‘be’ those things; you ‘do’ them. There’s a world of difference. Things we ‘do’ can change. Easily. Right now.

You ‘feel’ stress; you can ‘do’ stress; but the deepest part of your being can never ‘be’ stress.

Negative “I am” statements effectively close the door to the possibility of change or of having a choice. You are permanently wedding who you are to a behaviour.

We can choose how to behave. Habits can be changed. You are so much more than your habits!

The auto-pilot scripts mean we don’t have to make conscious choices.

But if we didn’t really want to keep what is after the ‘am’, then it steals your freedom.

The label keeps you stuck. Instead, it helps to get specific about the behaviour or event, talking about how you did or felt about something, rather than who you are. If you catch yourself at the “I am” trick, ask yourself – playfully:

Is that really who I want to be? No? Who am I?

The first – and most important – step towards that change is to shift the language you use. Save “I am” for times when you really mean it!

Who do you want to be today?
 

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Want to share your insights or questions on this one?
The power of “I am” ~ how could you work with this to help you cut your stress levels today?

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So that’s the first secret you need to know about how your unconscious mind works, to help you make leaps towards where you want to be.
Ready for the next one?

Your Unconscious Mind Can’t Understand a Negative

Here’s a trap that most of us fall into, without even realising it’s there. And it keeps you stuck where you no longer want to be.

Your unconscious mind can’t understand a negative.

Your ‘unconscious’ or ‘subconscious’ mind is the ‘non-thinking’ part of your mind; the bit that manages the library of auto-pilot scripts; the bit that grows your hair; the bit that reminds you to breathe; the bit that leaves the keys in the fridge – ok, so maybe that’s just me… but you get the gist!

To understand the instruction “Don’t mess it up!”, your mind first has to imagine “Mess it up!” and starts to run those auto-pilot scripts, before it adds the “not”.

Need convincing?

Right now: don’t think of a blue donkey climbing a prickly purple tree with a barking dog at the bottom of the trunk.
What happened? Yup. You had to imagine it, before you got the ‘not’.

 

What’s The Answer?

The next time you spot yourself doing this, there’s a magic question you can yourself, to instantly turn things around:

“What do I want instead?”

Feeling stressed? Not happy about how something is going?
“What do I want instead?”
Then take inspired action!

Can’t get to sleep because a problem keeps going round and round in your head?
“What do I want instead?”
Then take inspired action! (It’ll wait till the morning… 😉 )

Got a relationship issue that’s bugging you? Feeling stuck in a situation that’s no longer working for you?
“What do I want instead?”
Then take inspired action!

It guarantees that the inspired action you take will move you towards where you want to be, rather than taking you back to where you no longer want to go.

It’s so simple, yet profoundly powerful.
Why aren’t we taught this at school?!!!
So, want to give it a go, right now?
 

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Want to share the shifts this technique is creating for you? I’d love to hear from you!
What Do I Want Instead?

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Are you ready for the first of the highly effective emotional first aid techniques I promised you?
It’s this week’s mindfulness technique!
 

Week Two Mindfulness Technique

You can use it any time, any place, and it works in under sixty seconds to help you cut your stress levels, feel more calm and centred and rebalance your body’s stress hormones and relaxation responses.
 

I breathe all the way in. I breathe all the way out.

 
Sounds almost too simple? Yet it’s an ancient mindfulness technique that has been used by millions, over thousands of years, to let go of wherever the ‘Monkey Mind’ was and to come back to the present moment.
 
If your mind is racing, the most simple and effective technique to help you let go and cut your stress levels is Mindful Breathing. This week’s mindfulness exercise is something to practice throughout your day, but here’s a version of it that acts like a ‘first aid fix’ when things feel stressful.
 

 

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What did you notice?
How might life feel, if you were to practise this for one minute each hour, during stressful situations?
How about sharing your experiences and questions on this technique, over at the forum?
Week Two Mindfulness Technique: Emotional First Aid

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Next Time

Next time we’re going to be looking at the powerful mindset shift I promised you, the second of our emotional first aid techniques, the vital importance of ‘coming back down to earth’ and the major mistake that most of us are making, 24 hours a day, that adds to your stress levels.
 
Your next email will be with you in 3-4 days.
Wishing you a wonderful week!
Namaste,

P.S. If you have any techy questions, please email a member of my team at hello@clarejosa.com and they’ll help get things sorted for you.
I’m a firm believer that there’s no such thing as a stupid question, so I’d much rather have you contact us than have you feeling stuck or not able to join in at the level you want to!

[Read more…] about Day 8: Unlocking The Magic Of Your Mind To Help You Feel Less Stressed

Ten minutes a day is enough to move you from stressed-out and ‘mind-less’ to calmer, happier and more mindful. Surely your future life is worth it?

Hi %%FIRST_NAME%%,
Welcome to Day 4 of your 90 days of How To De-Stress With Mindfulness.

How did you get on with the techniques in the day one email? Have you had a chance to ‘play’ with them yet?

You’ll notice that I always talking about ‘playing’ and ‘experimenting’ with the stuff we’re learning – it’s so important not to take all of this (or life in general) too seriously – it would set you up to feel that things are difficult.

By talking about ‘playing’, you’re giving your unconscious mind ‘permission’ to try something new, without risk of judgement or failure.

It’s a small mindset-shift that can have a big impact.

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Perhaps you’d like to share how you have been getting on so far? Or get answers to any questions?
As a reminder, all the resources you need for week one are in the members-only area of the online community:
Week One Resources
 

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Today we’re looking at:

• the symptoms of ‘mindlessness’ and why it’s such a big deal
• how to handle the #1 excuse we all make, that stops us from changing our lives
• discovering how to ‘magically’ create the time needed to finish this course
• exploring strategies to help you spot the shifts you’re making
• figuring out how to get moral support for your de-stressing efforts
• as well as busting some of your favourite excuses.

 

What Is ‘Mindlessness’ and Why Should You Care?

Most of us spend our time running around like headless chickens, on some form of semi-conscious auto-pilot, with little memory of anything we have done, during the day.

It’s as though we’re sleep-walking.

We’re more ‘mind-less’ than ‘mindful’.

And one of the great things about spotting our personal favourite ‘mindless’ behaviours is that we can use them to track how our ‘mindful living’ (and hence de-stressing) is shifting – improving 🙂 – over time.

Common Symptoms of ‘Mindlessness’

• Do you remember what your last cup of tea tasted like?
• Do you often lose your keys / wallet / bag?
• Do you remember conversations, but can’t remember who they were with?
• Do you get half way through a sentence and then forget what you were going to say?
• Do you walk into a room, then forget why you went in there?
• Do you find it hard to concentrate on a topic and think clearly about it?
• Do you really ‘connect’ with people, when you talk to them?
• Do you get to taste your food?
• Do you notice what it feels like, to get dressed in the morning, or brush your teeth?
• Do you reach the end of your day and find it difficult to remember what you did?
• Do you have to ask people to repeat themselves, realising you had heard them, but hadn’t taken in what they said?
• Do you find that time flies and, no matter how hard you work, you still don’t get things done?
• Do you find that you get ‘stuck’ in your thinking mind, going round and round thinking about the things that are stressing you?

Note how many of these behaviours could also be described as symptoms of stress? It’s not a coincidence that mindfulness techniques are such a good remedy for high stress levels.

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I’m curious, how do you experience ‘mindlessness’? We all do it in our own, special way!
Here’s a special discussion thread in the online forum where you can share your experiences of ‘mindlessness’ – and find out how others ‘do’ it.
How do you experience ‘mindlessness’?

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How Do We End Up ‘Mindless’?

It’s a habit. It’s something we’re taught, from a young age. We’re encourages to move into our ‘thinking mind’ at a very young age, nowadays – often long before that part of our brain is developed enough to be ready for it.

‘Thinking’ is valued much more than ‘conscious doing’ and ‘living in the moment’. That’s one of the reasons why our four-year-olds are now being forced to move out of being fully absorbed in physical play, to learn reading and writing and ‘thinking’ before their brains have even developed congnitive functions.

At work, we’re sent on courses, to learn how to ‘manage our time’ and efficiently ‘mulit-task’; we are pushed to ‘get more done’ and ‘be more busy’.

Yet the best strategic thinking happens with a calm and mindful brain, not one that is stress-out and over-full.

I remember a mentoring client of mine, many years ago, telling me he didn’t feel guilty about going to play golf in the middle of the day. He said it helped him to relax and clear his mind. When he was playing, he would usually have sudden clarity and insights about the company’s issues and would come up with solutions that could save the company many, many thousands. He was getting himself out of ‘mindlessness’ and into ‘mindfulness’, with a major improvement in his strategic thinking.

Sometimes ‘Mindlessness’ Is An Avoidance Strategy

‘Hiding in your mind’ can be used as an avoidance strategy. In fact, that’s the most common reason for cultivating the habit of ‘disappearing’ from the present moment.

We create mental distractions, to avoid whatever it is that we have convinced ourselves is lurking for us in the ‘here and now’. We use our thinking mind to tell ourselves stories about ‘what ifs’ from the past and ‘maybes’ from the future, to get away from ‘having to’ face our present.

The Brilliant News Is…
The brilliant news is that the ‘present moment’, the ‘here and now’ doesn’t hold the scary stuff we fear. That’s mostly in our minds and the ‘present reality’ is rarely as bad as the stories we were telling ourselves about it.
In fact, it’s the only place that holds the key to us setting ourselves free from those fears. And getting ‘back to the now’ is as simple as training ourselves to let go of those old habits.

In teaching ourselves to be ‘mindless’, we forgot our natural state of ‘mindfulness’. Remembering how to get back there is simple – it just needs practice.

‘Mindfulness’ is our natural state of being.

It’s not difficult. It’s not scary.

Yes, visionaries like Thich Nhat Hanh have dedicated a lifetime to practising mindfulness. But you don’t have to, to experience its magic.

Thich Nhat Hanh could be compared to an Olympic athlete, who dedicates many hours a day to perfecting a skill. But we all understand that you don’t have to become an Olympic athlete, in order to feel physically fit. Regular practice is plenty, for most of us.

And it’s the same with mindfulness.

In contrast to physical fitness, you can ‘tone your mindfulness muscles’ with just a few minutes’ practice, at regular points during your day.
The best way to learn mindfulness is to weave it into your day-to-day activities. And that’s exactly what you’re going to be learning (or rather, remembering how!) to do during the 90 days of this course.

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Dealing with the #1 life-change excuse, once and for all!

 

But I Don’t Have Time!

How do you find time to make changes in your life?
This is one of the most common reasons I hear from people about why they don’t make changes… and I have to confess that I have lost count of how often I have used it myself!

When you’re stuck in the middle of ‘doing’ your old habit, it can feel difficult to take the time out to stand back and become aware of what you are doing and which bits you want to change. Yet that time will repay you every single day, for the rest of your life.

Someone I was talking to recently about this course was raving about wanting to de-stress. And she was excited about the idea of being able to lay the foundations, day by day, in the comfort of her own home. But when I asked her if she could spare ten minutes a day for it, her answer was, “No! I’m way too busy!”
She was so convinced by her excuse that there was no room left for her to change.
She would rather spend the next fifty years going through the pain of feeling super-stressed – and all the dis-ease that brings with it – than dedicate ten minutes a day to making the shifts she said she wanted.

There are so many reasons why this can happen – and we’ll be dealing with many of them over the 90 days – but without awareness and inspired action, nothing will change.

Is it really true that our lives are too full to find time to de-stress?

Surely much of our time is used up by the very stress patterns we want to shift?

 

How To Magically Create More Time

It is true that we often believe that we don’t have enough time. But there’s a difference between truth and belief.
We believe our stories and excuses, telling them to ourselves so often that they become a pseudo-truth that we no longer question – like ‘received wisdom’. We even start to believe in other people’s excuses! But is it really true?
It’s funny how, for example, if we fall in love, we suddenly find plenty of evenings and weekends to spend with that wonderful new person:

• we watch less TV
• we read fewer magazines
• we spend less time on chores
• we use our time more intentionally
• we drop anything that’s not essential

 

Is it really too much for your mind, body and soul to ask for ten minutes of your time each day for something that can dramatically impact your life?

 
There are many ‘important jobs’ and distractions during the day that steal our time; things that crop up unexpectedly, where we give them our immediate attention. Everything else falls off the table, including the time we had set aside for working ‘on ourselves’. Yet if we said to those distractions, “I will come back to you later,” it’s amazing how they either go away or take up less time.
 
The classic example is a phone call.
You’re in the middle of something important, but you answer the phone anyway. The conversation takes ten minutes. Then you go back to what you were doing.
You found ten minutes for the interruption.
So why do we find it so hard to find ten minutes to change our lives…?

 

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Want to share your answers? Want some moral support on this? Need inspiration from others? Here’s the discussion thread for this topic:
How to find time to change your life.

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Are you filling your time with things to do? It’s nearly an epidemic. It’s as though we’re so scared of ‘stopping’ and ‘being’ that we feel guilty about doing ‘nothing’.
 

Want A Mindset Shift?

Here’s a mindset-shift that works like a ‘magic wand’ if you have – like most of us – ‘time issues’.
 
Instead of focussing on how you have too much to do and too little time in which to do it, how about applying this life-changing mantra – and watching the stress melt away:
 

I am grateful for the time I have.

Notice the gentle shift and the feeling of relief?

 

 
Today’s Affirmation:
 
I am grateful for the time I have. I choose to make friends with time, instead of fighting it.
 

 

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Want to share how you’re getting on with the whole ‘time’ thing?
What kind of impact does ‘time’ have on your stress levels?
How are you going to be handling things differently?
What’s the big fuss about ‘time’?

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How To Notice The Shifts You’re Making

Sometimes, when we’re making changes in our lives, it can feel hard to notice – and to honour –the progress we are making. One of the simplest ways to do it is to keep a journal – to write things down, as you notice them, so you can reflect on them over the coming weeks and months.

This means scribbling down your thoughts, as they come to you, each day – noting what you have learned and experienced.
Having a written record that celebrates the times when the techniques worked for you will help you keep going, should there be times when you fall back into old habits.

Shifting the way you ‘do’ stress can take a little time – and consistent effort. Sometimes people give up because they’re not seeing instant results – but results take time… and sometimes we’re too busy to notice the changes we’re making. We wouldn’t expect to buy a pair of running shoes and suddenly be in the Olympics a week later!

De-stressing is a skill, just like any other we choose to develop. It takes practice. We often don’t notice the improvements we have made and the changes that it has brought to our life until we re-read things that we wrote in our journal several weeks or months before.

So you might want to get yourself a notebook and a pen and spend some time each day – or every few days – writing down what your experiences have been; any suggestions; any insights.

Keeping a journal is a useful practice for marking the progress you are making on your journey. It can make a huge difference to your motivation. It could help you to really get clear about your stress triggers and common auto-pilot patterns, helping you to make even faster progress.
 

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How are you going to be spotting your progress? Which shifts are you going to be looking for? How will you make sure you give yourself credit for the changes you’re making? Here’s the discussion thread:
How to spot the progress you’re making.

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How To Get Moral Support

And finally, today we’re talking moral support.
Sometimes, when we want to start a new habit, the most difficult place to get moral support is at home. Yet it can make all the difference to us when those with whom we spend the most time understand what it is we are trying to achieve – and support us on that journey.
 
One of the most important ways to get moral support at home (or at work, if that’s where you’re going to be focussing your de-stressing efforts) is to know why you want to do this.

Yes, we’re back to that one again!
 
There was some research, a few years ago, about the impact of telling others why you want to do something.
Psychologists did an experiment in an office. In this study, somebody asked to jump to the front of a long queue for the photocopier. Most of the time the others in the queue said ‘no’. In the final experiment, the researchers got the queue jumper to use the word ‘because’ and then follow it with their reason:
“Please may I jump the queue, because…” and all they said was, “I have some photocopying to do. ”
Everybody else in the queue had the same reason for standing there (unless they were just chatting!). Yet nearly everybody willingly let the person jump the queue.
It shows the power of the word ‘because’.
 
If you talk to your family and explain why you’re choosing to spend ten minutes a day working through How To De-Stress With Mindfulness and the NLP & Mindfulness exercises, it will be easier for them to support you. They will be much more likely to give you the time and space you need. They are less likely to distract you and are more likely to be actively interested in what you’re up to – perhaps even joining in! 
 

What is your ‘because’?

Knowing your ‘because’, your ‘why’ for de-stressing helps you ask for moral support at home or work.
You might want to explain to your family how NLP and mindfulness are going to help you feel calmer or happier or more relaxed. Whatever your ‘why’ was back in Day 1, you can share it with them. It will help them to understand.
 

Tell them what you need from them.

And as your family starts to see the results of your de-stressing practices, they’re more likely to give their support. For example, one student reported:

“I have been feeling so chilled out. In fact, I have just been able to quietly talk my husband out of making a very hasty and ill-judged decision, rather than huffing and puffing and telling him he’s wrong.”

Her practice was already having noticeable benefits for her family.

Sometimes it can feel difficult to voice our needs – to tell others what help we need. But asking for help is essential, if we want to create a new habit that requires the support of others.

What support do you need at home / at work?

Perhaps you need people not to interrupt you; not to distract you; to do the washing up after dinner; to respect your choice; to be quiet for ten minutes; to remind you to do it or even to do it with you?
If there is something you need, it’s not fair to expect them to guess. You need to tell them!
 
If this is something that you struggle with, then it is really worth looking into Marshall Rosenberg’s inspiring work on Non-Violent Communication. He created processes to help us practise expressing our unmet needs, without creating conflict.
 
Another person fed back that:
“After chatting with my husband, he understands how important it is for me to have ME time. Thank you for inspiring me to ask for his help with this. It’s been very useful.”
Busy mum of young children

It’s a common theme from students that people say yes, when they ask them for help to fit in their de-stressing and mindfulness time.
Not sure what help you need? Here’s a simple exercise to uncover those unmet needs.

 

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Fancy sharing your answers to the questions from this exercise? Want to find out what others are saying? Here’s the discussion thread:
Getting support for your de-stressing.

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That’s it for today. I hope you have found it helpful. Here’s what we’ll be covering next time.

Your next email will be with you in 3-4 days.
Wishing you a wonderful week!
Namaste,

[Read more…] about Day 4: How To Give Yourself The Best De-Stressing Head Start Possible

Time spent laying foundations saves many a lifetime of replacing fallen bricks.

 
Hi %%FIRST_NAME%%,
Welcome to your 90 day life-changing course: How To De-Stress With Mindfulness.

Over the next 90 days, you will receive twice-weekly messages, bringing you an inspired blend of ancient mindfulness techniques, relaxation techniques and modern practical psychology, to help you deal with stress.

The first message each week will bring you the ‘how to’ and that week’s core techniques.

The second message each week will be a ‘top up’, to help you go a little deeper into the techniques that have resonated for you.

The idea is to bring you all the stress-busting secrets you need, without overwhelming you or adding to your stress levels! 😉
 

In this week’s two emails, we will be looking at:

This time		Next time
	What on earth stress really is		How to spot the progress you’re making
	The hidden link between stressful thoughts & feeling stressed		How to magically find time to finish this course
	How mindfulness & NLP can help you to de-stress		How to get moral support for your de-stressing
	Experiencing a wonderful mindfulness foundation technique		Exploring the symptoms of ‘mindlessness’.
	Discovering how to keep yourself motivated for the next 90 days – and beyond
	How breathing impacts stress – and how stress impacts breathing

 

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All the resources you need for week one are in the members-only area of the online community:
Week One Resources
We’ll go through them in more detail at the relevant points of today’s message.

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Let’s get started with a whistle-stop tour of what stress is and its impact on us.
 

What On Earth Is Stress?

You’ve signed up for a course about de-stressing, so you must already have a pretty good idea of what stress means for you. But I’m going to start with a provocative statement (or ten!) about the nature of stress.

I’m going to start by saying something that might annoy some of you – but unless I’m honest about this, up front, then you’re not going to benefit from this course.
[If what I’m about to say means you want to opt out and get a refund, that’s cool – simply email my team at hello@ClareJosa.com!]
So here goes:

At some level – perhaps deeply unconsciously – stress and feeling stressed is a choice.

And that’s brilliant news!
Why?

Because it means you can do something about it!
You and you alone are responsible for – and in control of – how you ‘do’ stress.
No one and nothing can make you feel stressed.

Sure, there can be amazingly effective prompts, situations and stimuli, but the bottom line is that stress is an inside job.
 

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Want to have your say on this one? Want to find out what others are thinking? Here’s a special discussion thread over at the members-only forum for this course:
“Stress is something you do; not something you are.” – Discuss!

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How Does Stress Work?

Here’s a simplified explanation of the stress cycle:
 

 
Stress – and the experience of feeling stressed – is all down to whether or not your mind tells you that a situation is stressful and how your body has been trained to react to your thoughts.

If we experience one of our stress triggers, we start thinking stressful thoughts. Although it might not be our current habit, we can choose whether or not to feed those stressful thoughts, conscientiously nurturing them to become super-stresses, or whether to accept them and gently let them go, moving on to more supportive and empowering thoughts.

Whether you tell yourself you are feeling stressed or whether you tell yourself you are not, you’re right.

What’s The Link Between Stressful Thoughts And Feeling Stressed?

We think of something stressful, our body releases its stress hormones, engaging the sympathetic nervous system and the chemical reactions in our body produce our emotions.
Aside: Not convinced how closely mind and body are linked? How about trying this simple test:

Stressful thoughts automatically trigger your body’s physiological stress response. This includes:

• Activating the sympathetic nervous system (‘fight or flight’)
• Releasing stress hormones, such as adrenalin, into your nervous system
• Activating the hypothalamus (primitive brain) to go into short-term survival-type decision making patterns
• Increase heart rate and breathing rate, ready for flight or fight
• Diverting oxygen from the organs and even the brain, to increase blood oxygen levels, ready for ‘emergency’ activity
• Pause the body’s natural healing and regenerative processes, to leave more energy for the fight or flight

 

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Before we go too far through this course, I’m curious: How do you currently experience stress? Which thoughts do you think? Which emotions do you feel? Which physical sensations do you notice? Here’s a discussion thread, where you can share your thoughts on this one:
How do you experience stress?

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What’s The Problem?

Most of us feel stressed, much of the time.
We live our lives as though that sabre-toothed tiger is constantly roaring at the door of our cave.
This means that we spend long periods of time in our body and mind’s ‘emergency response’ mode, rather than using that for genuine times of need and returning to balance – to equilibrium – in between. We usually don’t even notice that we’re doing it; it’s happening at a subconscious level.

The long-term consequences of living from a point of view of stress include mental illness, adrenal fatigue, slow healing and recovery from illness, inability to think clearly and long-term ‘dis-ease’ and chronic disease.

The purpose of our sympathetic nervous system and the impact of our ‘fight or flight’ processes was first observed by Walter Cannon, back in 1932. Since then scientists and psychologists have repeatedly proven the link between the thoughts, the physiological response and the emotional experience.

Stress is an entirely appropriate reaction to the modern equivalent of the sabre-toothed tiger. But it’s NOT useful as an everyday, auto-pilot response to day-to-day situations.
Ongoing stress is NOT normal, necessary or ok.

It doesn’t means that ‘doing’ stress is ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. There’s no point in beating yourself up over this; it would only make things worse.

However, it does mean it’s time to take action – and that’s what the next 90 days are about: inspiring you to take action that works for you!

Fortunately the whole point of the techniques you’ll get to experiment with over the next 90 days is to help you to break that subconscious cycle, reclaiming your power over which thoughts to feed and setting yourself free from the old auto-pilot stress responses.

NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming – a bit like ‘practical psychology’) is like a user manual for your brain. It’s brilliant at helping you to spot the thought patterns, beliefs and habits that have been keeping you stuck, so you can choose to do something about them. And it’s good at making that ‘something’ straight-forward and highly effective, too.

Mindfulness is an ancient meditation philosophy that helps you to get out of living in your ‘thinking mind’ (also called the ‘Monkey Mind’ or ‘Grasshopper Mind’) and back into the ‘here and now’. It helps you to see what’s real and what’s ‘story’, as well as creating the space between your thoughts to give you back your choice over how to respond to life.

Mindfulness has helped millions of people to shift their experience of life – including cutting their stress levels – for thousands of years. So it’s going to work for you.

How Can Mindfulness And NLP Help With De-Stressing?

Combining these powerful techniques will help you to:

	Gain awareness into your personal habits and thought patterns that have been feeding your experience of stress.
	Be easily able to ‘see’ the difference between what is ‘real’ and what is your mind’s ‘story’ or ‘projection’.
	Rebalance your sympathetic (‘fight or flight’) and parasympathetic (‘relaxation’) nervous systems, making it less likely that you’ll think stressful thoughts
	Be more able to choose whether you want to open up the cascade of stress hormones in your body, giving yourself a well-earned break from the stress cycle
	Let go of old habits that have been keeping you stuck, surrounded by stress triggers
	Gently retune your thoughts to be more positive and empowering
	Let go of fretting about the past or worrying about the future
	Discover your personal de-stress toolkit, to help you shift your experience of life

The Bottom Line
Stress is a habit.
No matter how ‘auto-pilot’ it all feels, you can change any habit, with the right tools and support.
The next 90 days are going to bring you the tools and support you need, to help you do it!

Now that we have got the whole ‘what is stress’ bit out of the way, it’s time to take a look at why you’re bothering to do all of this. What do you want from the next 90 days?

What’s your ‘why’?

It’s the key to keeping yourself motivated for the next few months – and beyond. So let’s dive in and find out.

The Secret To Keeping Yourself Motivated

 

Know Your ‘Why’
Before we start any journey – any challenge – any change – it is really important to know why we are doing it.
Knowing our ‘why’ – what is motivating us – helps keep us going.

So, before we go any further with this course, I invite you to take a few moments to do the following exercise.

And when you are ready, write that whole sentence up somewhere. Pin it up around your home or around your office. If you notice distractions getting in the way of your efforts to de-stress over the next 90 days (and longer!), you can remind yourself:

I choose to complete “How To De-Stress With Mindfulness” because……

You might be surprised how often that allows you to prioritise working through your de-stressing projects, over the distractions.

The word ‘because’ has an amazing power to get people (including yourself!) to listen to your request and to help you. When they understand why you want their help and why you want them to support you, it makes it much easier for them to buy in. You might be surprised how much friends, family and co-workers do want to support you. Some of them might even want to join in How To De-Stress With Mindfulness with you.

The key is to decide when you are going to work through the de-stressing exercises and projects, what you need to clear out of the way to allow you to do that, and to remember why you’re bothering!
 

 
Today’s Affirmation:
 
I feel excited about de-stressing over the next 90 days, especially now I know my ‘why’.
 

 
 

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Want to share your answers? Here are three discussion threads in the members-only area of the online community:

What do you want from How To De-Stress With Mindfulness? ~ Perhaps sharing your answers to questions 1,2 & 3?

How are you planning to overcome any barriers or blocks to your success? ~ Perhaps sharing your answers to questions 4, 5 & 6?

What’s your ‘because’? ~ How about sharing your ‘because’; your ‘why’? And finding out what others area saying?

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Week One Mindfulness Technique

Is it time to stop ‘pretending’ to breathe?

Most of us are just ‘pretending’ to breathe. We have trained ourselves to do just enough to survive. But most of us aren’t breathing properly. We’re denying our bodies the oxygen-rich fuel they crave, which has implications for our health – physically, mentally and emotionally.

When we’re stressed, our breathing tends to move away from our diaphragm (the area of your stomach above your belly button) up towards our upper chest and even shoulders and throat.

This triggers more stress hormones, reduces the oxygen supply available to the brain and re-engages the sympathetic nervous system (‘fight or flight’). In effect, our stressed-out breathing makes our stress worse.

Fortunately all you need to do, to turn things around, is to take 10 deep mindful breaths.

Here’s how:

Is It Time To Breathe?

{Obviously – please do this within your safe abilities. If breathing deeply is an issue for you, please get help from your chosen medical professional!}
If deep breathing is uncomfortable for you, you can start by visualising it, instead, which will still produce results for you.

This is a wonderful practice because it brings the focus back to the breath, bringing the breath back to the lower abdomen, rather than the chest and shoulders – that’s where it hangs out when we’re stressed.

Belly breathing also gives the internal organs a gentle massage (they’re designed to get one, every time the diaphragm moves). It helps re-oxygenate the blood, can improve concentration and generally has a positive impact on health.

The benefits are enormous.

How about trying it out, right now?

This week, I invite you to experiment with this mindful breathing exercise at least once a day – ideally twice or even each time you notice yourself getting stressed.

Can you imagine how things will feel, if you do this twice a day?

If you find you’re stressed when you get home from work, how about taking three or four of these mindful breaths before you open the front door to your home? You could add in the visualisation of your day’s stresses melting away, before you walk through the door.

If you are not looking forward to a meeting, how about doing some of this mindful breathing – with a gentle smile on your face – before you leave your desk to go to the appointment? Can you imagine the difference this could make for you?
Thinking about your typical day, where else might you find this mindful breathing technique helpful?
And I’m curious: how are you going to remind yourself to do it?!

It’s worth deciding on a few ideas now, before you finish reading this message.
 

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When you have had a chance to play with this a few times, how about sharing your experiences over at the members-only area of our online community?
Here’s a link to the discussion thread for the belly breathing technique:
Week One Mindful Breathing


And here’s a link to the general discussion thread for the week one topics – it’s a great place to share any insights and get answers to any questions:
Week One: How Are You Getting On?

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Next Time

Next time we’ll be looking at the symptoms of ‘mindlessness’ and why it’s such a big deal, how to handle the #1 excuse we all make, that stops us from changing our lives, discovering how to ‘magically’ create the time needed to finish this course, exploring strategies to help you spot the shifts you’re making and figuring out how to get moral support for your de-stressing efforts – as well as busting some of your favourite excuses.

I hope you enjoy the beginning of your journey with this course.

Your next email will be with you in 3-4 days.

Namaste,

P.S. If you have any techy questions, please email a member of my team at hello@clarejosa.com and they’ll help get things sorted for you.
I’m a firm believer that there’s no such thing as a stupid question, so I’d much rather have you contact us than have you feeling stuck or not able to join in at the level you want to!
[Read more…] about Day 1: How Your Body And Mind ‘Create’ Stress

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Read the latest gratitude articles:

• Discover 10 ways gratitude could change your life today.
• how to get the most from your journal
• and how to avoid the most common gratitude journal mistakes.

Read more inspirational gratitude articles.

Spend 5 minutes a day focusing on gratitude.
And watch the miracles happen!

Want to discover the difference that gratitude could make in your life? Would you be prepared to commit to spending five minutes a day focussing on specially-designed gratitude techniques, for the next 100 days, to make radical shifts in your eperience of life? Want to see how joining with others to share the process could change the world?

Then join us for The Miracle Of Gratitude.

For the past fifteen years I have been helping people, one-to-one and as an NLP Trainer and Meditation Teacher, to create the changes they have been looking for. I have practised (and invented) so many techniques… And they all get you results… But none were as potent as the power of gratitude, when you want to make deep-acting, long-lasting changes to your experience of life.

But there’s so much more to ‘gratitude’ than a simple ‘thank you’…

Gratitude changes everything.

We have all heard about the power of an attitude of gratitude to change your life. But what’s usually missing is the ‘how’ and the ‘habit’. That’s exactly what The Miracle Of Gratitude shares with you.

There are three ‘levels’ for The Miracle Of Gratitude.

Level 1: Miracle Of Gratitude – Explorer

This is all about getting started – dipping your toe in the water and discovering how gratitude might help you.
You can either do your own thing and join in on our Facebook page – Miracle Of Gratitude – like an explorer, finding your own way.

Explorer Level
Here’s where to join the Facebook page, for general gratitude chat, regular inspirational quotes & messages and uplifting friendships:
 
https://www.Facebook.com/MiracleOfGratitude


And make sure you’re getting Clare’s weekly Monday Morning Gratitude Messages
They bring you a round-up of the pick of inspirational gratitude articles, insider secrets and top tips, each week – absolutely free! Register via the form below:

And… If you want to go deeper?

Level 2: How about starting a gratitude journal?

Discover how keeping a gratitude journal can change your life, in just a few weeks!

Do you want to start a gratitude journal?
You could get Clare’s book today: Gratitude: A Daily Journal.
It comes with a full-blown readers’ club, with bonus audios, videos, articles and a readers’ forum.
 

• Want to learn how to keep a gratitude journal
• find out how to get the most from your journal
• and how to avoid the most common gratitude journal mistakes.

More gratitude journal tips & articles.

And if you want to really dive in and transform your experience of life…

How about the Miracle Of Gratitude Inner Circle?

Level 3: Miracle Of Gratitude – Inner Circle

The Miracle Of Gratitude Inner Circle is a 100 day group mentoring programme.
It brings you the benefits of working with me one-to-one, but in the comfort of your own home, at a time that suits you, with the added benefit of moral support from the Inner Circle’s online community – and all at a fraction of the cost.
 
You’ll know if your heart is calling you on this.
 
You’ll be starting to feel the excitement, bubbling away inside you, as you sense that The Miracle Of Gratitude has been waiting for you; that it’s the ‘missing link’; that it’s your next logical – or intuitive – step.

Just imagine training your brain to think of happy thoughts and things you are grateful for, instead of pointing out everything that’s going wrong!

Just imagine saying goodbye to feeling glum and fed up, when things don’t go the way you had wanted!

Just imagine discovering that you can create the life you have been dreaming of, without having to jump through all the hoops that the manifesting books tell you are essential – the complex routines that make life feel like a game of Twister!

If your heart is calling you to go deeper, then I invite you to dive in today and get started.

Gratitude is one of the sweet shortcuts to finding peace of mind and happiness inside.
Barry Neil Kaufmann

Those ready for Inner Circle membership of The Miracle Of Gratitude are easy to recognise.

You are feeling restless, knowing there’s more to come
– something bigger; something wonderful.


You are prepared to put in the time and effort needed
– to take things to the next level.


You are feeling excited about stepping into your ‘soul shoes’
– ready to serve the world (though it might be feeling a bit scary, too!)


Your heart is telling you that gratitude is the key to connecting with inner peace
– and with joy; with that bubbling of passion that is going to drive your life, from this point forwards


You are ready to make the commitment to yourself – and those who are waiting for you
– and to your future self – to put in the effort to apply these life-changing gratitude-based techniques, to make life-long shifts.

The struggle ends when gratitude begins.
Neale Donald Walsh

 

 

Someone out there is waiting for you – for the unique gifts you bring to serve the world. The world is waiting for you to let your inner diamond shine.

 

The happiest people you’ll ever meet aren’t the ones who have everything; they’re the ones who exude gratitude for everything they have, with each breath and thought.

What’s The Investment?

 
Expect to spend about 5-10 minutes a day, reading the emails and sometimes dipping into the forum.
Some of the projects take a minute or two. Others might be ten minutes a day, for that week – it’s up to you.
If you miss a day, that’s fine, just pick up where you left off, or catch up. It doesn’t take long.
 
What matters is consistency – regular efforts to let this life-changing programme work for you, even if it’s just 3 minutes a day.
 
The content of this programme is unique and I have never shared it with a group before – it has been reserved for one-to-one mentoring clients in my spiritual growth programmes. I’m really excited about getting to share it with you. The time feels right for this.
 
To go through this programme with me, one-to-one, would have cost you upwards of £5,000 and would have taken a year. However, I no longer have time to do this on a one-to-one basis.
 
And it feels like the world is calling for this gratitude work to be much more widely available. The planet needs each and every one of us to be making the types of shifts that this Miracle Of Gratitude Inner Circle programme can create.
 

You choose how much to donate

This programme is part of my Conscious Pricing Policy, meaning you get to choose how much you donate. If the suggested donations are genuinely beyond your reach, you can contact my team to agree an alternative energy exchange.
 

This Miracle Of Gratitude Inner Circle programme is only open to those who are prepared to make the commitment to themselves to dive in and make the most of the tools, techniques, resources, insider secrets and inspiration shared with Inner Circle members.
Are you ready to say yes?

 

 

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Could this be the most important choice you make this year?

I can’t wait to share this exciting journey with you.

With love, Namaste,

 

Mankind is crying out for help. Those who have something to offer should come forward. Now is the time.
HH Dalai Lama

P.S. Remember our Love It Guarantee?
If your heart tells you within the first 30 days that this Inner Circle isn’t for you, then let us know by replying to one of the daily emails and we’ll give you a full no-quibble refund and no future payments will be taken.
Can’t make it much fairer than that, can we?! 🙂