[Read more…] about Week 15 – Want To Discover The Power Of A Mindful Minute?
What To Do When You Say The Wrong Thing – How To ‘SAM’ Your Way Back To Peace Of Mind
Ever done a ‘Boris’? Put your foot in it? Said the wrong thing? Here’s how to ‘SAM’ your way back to peace of mind.
“I may have small feet, but they’re a great fit in my mouth.“
How many times have we done it?
We all know that sinking feeling, as we realise we’ve said the wrong thing – really “put our foot in it”. And as for how we feel afterwards…
You know the kind of conversation.
For example:
Talking to a work colleague in a hotel at a conference, you comment that it would be a great place to bring a family for a holiday. “As I told you yesterday, my wife and kids left me last month.”
In a bar, chatting with friends, you complain – again – about having to get up at 6 to go to work. “Actually, five of my team are being made redundant this week and I have to tell them the news tomorrow.”
Bumping into a friend you haven’t seen for a while, you ask her when the baby is due. “What do you mean? I’m not pregnant!“
Whether we say the wrong thing on a major scale or it’s just a minor slip-up, it’s easy to do. Sometimes it’s because something has happened to the other person that we couldn’t possibly know about. Sometimes it’s because we’re not concentrating on what they’re saying. Sometimes it’s just ‘bad luck’.
Whatever the reason, we want to cringe and disappear, full of embarrassment and even guilt. It can lead to us avoiding the other person – who hasn’t even done anything wrong. This can leave them feeling potentially confused and hurt.
How You Could Handle It Differently
At the time:
S – A – M
Stop
Stop talking. Even if you’re mid-sentence.
Admit
Admit your mistake. “I put my foot in it. I didn’t mean to offend…” You’ll know the words that work for you.
Move On
Move on. You’ve apologised. It was an accident. It’s up to them how they choose to respond and you dwelling on it will only make things worse.
After the event:
- If it’s appropriate, go back and do S-A-M.
- If not, then do it in your head! Run a conversation with the other person where you say sorry and ask them to forgive you. Then move on. It doesn’t matter that the conversation didn’t really take place, it will still help.
- Learn from it, so you don’t repeat history. Then let it go. There’s no point in holding onto guilt and embarrassment. It doesn’t help anybody.
- Most importantly: don’t go around telling everyone about it… Yes, it makes a great story, but that just leaves you stuck where you are. And if the other person hears the story through the grapevine, you’ll be causing them that pain, all over again, not to mention damaging your relationship with them.
Bottom Line: If you want to feel happier in life, it’s important to learn from mistakes and then let go of them. Saying sorry goes a long way towards making things better, but forgiving yourself – letting yourself off the hook – is an essential step towards feeling happier, too.
Need to go a bit deeper?
If, after trying S-A-M you find you’re still telling yourself (or others! ;-)) stories about what happened and how awful it was – and what a terrible person that makes you – then you need drastic measures!
We’re talking Mindfulness!
If you find yourself stuck in the ‘beat yourself up’ mode of thinking, after you have put your foot in it, then it’s vital to learn more about techniques like mindfulness, which can help you to:
- train yourself to let go of thoughts that cause you pain
- take back control of your Monkey Mind
- come back to living in the present moment, rather than stressing about the past or worrying about the future
- let go of old stories, hurts, stresses and worries
- smile more!
For a micro-mindfulness fix for this problem, how about trying out this exercise – it only takes a moment:
Mindfulness – For when you have put your foot in it!
- As you spot your mind replaying the “I can’t believe I said that!” story (again!), pause for a moment and move your focus to your breathing.
- As you breathe in, say to yourself: “I accept what happened.”
- As you breathe out, say to yourself: “I release what happened.”
- Keep going – gently watching your breathing, until you feel a sense of relief.
- Smile. It’s ok.
How did that feel? Did you notice the shift, as you let go?
If you’d like to discover more about how mindfulness can change your life – in under 60 seconds – then you might enjoy the easy-to-learn, quick-to-use life-changing techniques in my best-selling book: 52 Mindful Moments. No pressure – it’s just that it could be what you’re looking for, right now.
I’d love to hear how you get on with this technique – and how it helps you, especially if you use it to heal and let go of an old situation when you put your foot in it. Please feel free to share, via the comments box, below!
Namaste,
A Secret Truth Your Unconscious Mind Needs You To Know (And My Favourite Magic Question)
There’s a truth about your unconscious mind, which could be keeping you stuck where you don’t want to be, if you don’t know it yet.
And most people don’t. It’s a trap that most of us fall into.
It keeps you thinking about what you don’t want; it keeps you looking for signs and experiencing life through the filters of what you don’t want; it stops you from moving forwards and can keep you feeling miserable.
Want to know what it is – and what mindfulness can help you do about it? [Read more…] about A Secret Truth Your Unconscious Mind Needs You To Know (And My Favourite Magic Question)
10 Reasons To Buy 52 Mindful Moments
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10 Reasons To Buy 52 Mindful MomentsReaders tell us that 52 Mindful Moments has helped them to:
About 52 Mindful MomentsIncludes a 15 minute mindfulness meditation & Readers’ Club bonuses. That’s what 52 Mindful Moments is there for. It brings you quick-to-learn and easy-to-use inspirational mindfulness techniques, combined with snippets from the ‘user manual for your brain’, to help take you from stressed to smiling in under sixty seconds. 52 Mindful Moments makes it really easy for you to weave mindfulness exercises into your daily life, no matter how busy you are. When you’re feeling stressed, tired or in need of inspiration, you don’t have time to wade through hundreds of pages in a ‘how to’ book. That’s why Clare Josa has written 52 Mindful Moments for you: to make it easy for you to discover mindfulness exercises (both ancient practices and some modern twists) that can help you to de-stress, unwind, get more clarity, feel calmer and happier, in just a few moments. As a formally qualified Meditation Teacher and NLP Trainer, as well as a mum to 3 young boys, Clare Josa knows what is needed to quickly let go of stress and tension, to be able to move on with your day with a smile on your face. During more than a decade of leading life-changing seminars and workshops, she has helped thousands of people figure out what works for them – and she distills that for you here, in 52 Mindful Moments. You can either:
Clare’s intention is that these 52 ideas will inspire you to have all the stress-busting tools you need, well-practised and ready to use, whenever you need them. You’ll build up a de-stressing happiness toolkit that will stay with you for life. This book doesn’t go into the details of ‘how to fix stress’ or ‘how to change your life’ – that’s not what you have time for, when you’re in the middle of ‘life’. Instead, these mindfulness techniques will be waiting for you, whenever you most need them, ready to take you back to that place of inner peace and calm, deep inside.
Quick Links: Media & Bloggers | Educators | Businesses | Get Clare’s Newsletter | Contact Clare |
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Do You Need To PAUSE Today? It’s A 60 Second De-Stressing Mindfulness Technique You Won’t Want To Miss
I was talking to some students recently about how you can work with mindfulness techniques to let go of stresses and icky emotions in under a minute. It’s funny how people rarely believe such a claim – until they have tried it. Of course, it takes practice to get the most out of it – just as with any skill – but this mindfulness exercise is one you won’t want to miss. Is it time for you to PAUSE today?
Mindfulness meditation is a brilliant way of coming back to the ‘present moment’, to what’s ‘real’, leaving behind the stories and drama of the Monkey Mind.
If you’re feeling stressed or there’s a powerful emotion running for you, you can use this technique as a kind of ‘First Aid’, to help you get back to a sense of equilibrium – then it’s much easier to see solutions.
Here’s a summary:
Here’s the detail:
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Pause |
Press the ‘Pause’ button & breathe Visualise pressing ‘pause’. Then take 3 deep mindful breaths, breathing in from your belly to your chest, then breathing out with a releasing ‘ahhh’ sound. |
Accept |
Accept where you’re at. Become aware of what’s ‘real’ – rather than the story your mind was telling you. What’s physically ‘here’ for you, in this moment? What is happening in your body? With your emotions? With your thoughts? Accept all of this -there’s no need to change it. Let go and relax into accepting. |
Understand |
Understand – a kind of deep knowing – that this too will pass. Nothing lasts forever. Whatever is ‘real’ for you right now will pass, in time. You may need to take inspired action, but it will pass. The pain is amplified by the stories we tell ourselves about the situation. The stories aren’t real. They’re just stories (even if they’re good’uns!). Let go of the story and allow your deep understanding – your inner wisdom – to wash through the situation. |
Smile |
Smile – even if just a gentle half-smile. Smiling, even if you’re not feeling like it, releases endorphins (or little dolphins, as my friend’s son used to say!) into your bloodstream, giving you a very natural high. After just a few seconds of smiling, those little hormones start to trigger chemical reactions that trigger happier emotions, also reducing your stress levels. It doesn’t matter if you’re faking it, smiling quickly shifts your emotions, mind and body to a better space. Need encouragement: here’s an article with a little experiement you can use to prove to yourself why it’s so important to choose to smile, when things get tough. |
Enjoy |
Whatever is going on in your life, allow yourself to enjoy this moment. Right here, right now, allow yourself even just a few seconds to enjoy this moment. Let go and relax into it, knowing that this space is waiting here for you, 24/7, whenever you need it. |
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There you have it! One of my favourite 60 second mindfulness de-stressing techniques.
Want to try it out? You don’t have to wait for a stressed or grumpy mood to enjoy it!
I’d love to hear how you get on with it – via the comments box. And, if it helps you, perhaps you’d like to share it with your friends?
If you’d like to go deeper and discover how just 10 minutes a day could change your life, it’s worth joining in with our 28 Day Meditation Challenge online course.