Clare Josa | Author And Keynote Speaker

UK's Foremost Imposter Syndrome Expert, International Keynote Speaker & 8x Author

dare to dream bigger

Why It’s So Important To Get Confused… Sometimes

Articles, Clarity

Hey World-Changer,

How has your week been?

Today I wanted to share with you a message about how important confusion is. When I work with people, one of the states of mind they dislike the most is feeling confused (and I’m with you on that!) Yet it’s surprisingly common.

You see, whenever we want to make a change in our lives or businesses, there will come a point where you need to stretch that old comfort zone. And we will normally experience one of two things:

  1. Totally clear vision that drives us through with passion
  2. Total confusion and that listless feeling of a boat at sea with no wind

Both are totally valid. But here’s the rub: you can’t ‘force’ your way out of the confusion. If you do, you’re likely to end up heading at full steam in what might later feel like the wrong direction.

Confusion Is Your Friend

Yeah, I know it doesn’t feel that way when you’re stuck in the middle of it. But it’s like it’s your Soul’s way of telling you that things aren’t ready yet. Maybe the timing isn’t right. Maybe you’re not quite ready. Maybe you need to rest and build your energy first.

Just imagine if a caterpillar tried to push itself out of its chrysalis too early. Its wings wouldn’t be fully formed and it wouldn’t make much of a butterfly.

Confusion helps us to see that it isn’t yet time to press ‘go’. But in these days of high-speed-everything and instant gratification, waiting – resting – pausing – isn’t trendy.

What if you’ve had enough of ‘confusion’? What can do you to start to move on through?

Sometimes You’ve Gotta Shake It Up – And See Where It Lands

If you’re feeling ‘done’ with feeling confused, then you need to get moving. That might be physical movement, to shake off that ‘stuckness’. Or it might be taking a small action, to test whether it feels like the right direction. Doing something different gives you a barometer to measure whether it feels right.

And if your Monkey Mind is too busy telling you ‘fed-up-with-feeling-stuck’ stories, then ask your body to give you the ‘yes / no’ answer, instead. It never lies.

I Shook Things Up This Week

This year has been quite a ride so far – much of it planned; some of it unexpected. And I knew that I was getting ‘prods’ to make shifts. So I threw everything up in the air this week to see where it landed. And it feels great! I hope you’re going to love it.

Here’s Where You Come In

There are so many things I love writing about and (hopefully!) inspiring you with. In these newsletters we cover everything from how to be happy and less stressed, through to gratitude and meditation and mindfulness, through to being authentically you, through to how to make a bigger difference in the world. And I want to be able to dive in more deeply.

Over the coming months and years I’m going to be sharing even more strategies, techniques and insights. I now have total clarity and it feels so exciting! And they fit into two main areas:

  • How to change your life
  • How to change the world

Not everyone wants both. So here’s the plan:

I only want to show up in your inbox if you actually want to hear from me. Make sense, doesn’t it? So I’m closing down my old newsletter list at the end of April and creating two new newsletters, tailored to what you really want to hear about.

 

And if you’re secretly yearning to dive in more deeply on the Soul Connection stuff (with an Inner Engineer’s practical inspiration!), then watch this space in the next few weeks for an exciting new project that’s coming your way.

I’d love to hear from you:

  • How might ‘confusion’ actually be a gift for you, rather than a burden?
  • Is there something you’re feeling confused about right now? What simple action could you take, to test out the new direction?
  • And as we move into this new phase of my work, what are the big questions you’d love me to answer?

Let me know via the comments, below. My team and I read every reply and we’ll do our best to get back to you. It would be lovely to hear from you.

I hope you have a great week!

With love, Namaste,

Clare x

Clare Josa, Mentor To Passionate World-Changers

What’s The Real Cost Of Imposter Syndrome?

5MinuteBiz

I was working with a client recently who has been running their own business for many years. They felt frustrated at how they were able to quickly grow to a certain level, but then always got stuck, no matter what kind of project they were working on.

Their Facebook groups never grew beyond a certain size. Their courses never had more than a certain number of students. They always reached the same, familiar old point in a corporate pitch and the emails would dry up. Their competitors seemed to be enjoying huge success. But despite doing all the right things, this person wasn’t getting the results they knew they deserved.

Why?

Imposter Syndrome. They felt like a fraud. The crazy thing is that this person is hugely talented. And – even more crazily – nearly every successful business owner and executive I have ever worked with has been held back by this pattern.

5 Early Warning Signs That You’re Suffering From Imposter Syndrome

I have been working with entrepreneurs and business executives on this since 2002, and here are some of the essential early warning signs for Imposter Syndrome, which mean you can get playing with the techniques I taught you as soon as possible, before Imposter Syndrome escalates and causes major damage.

Do you ever find yourself thinking things like…?

  • “I’m a fraud!”
  • “They’re going to catch me out!”
  • “They’re onto me!”
  • “Who am I, to…?”
  • “I’m not good enough.”
  • “I’m not really good at what I do. It’s just a sham. And one day they’ll find out.”
  • “I wish I could do it like he / she does…”

Yes? Then Imposter Syndrome is silently sabotaging your success.

The problem is…

Whether you believe you’re good enough, or you believe you’re not, you’re right.

… because we get – or unconsciously create – what we believe, even if we don’t consciously realise that we believe it.

Your brain has filters that are governed by your beliefs, so that you don’t get overwhelmed by the gazillion bits of information flying around in its subconscious awareness at any point in time. So, for example, if you believe you’re rubbish at presenting, you’ll spot the feedback from the audience that confirms this.

Similarly, that’s how we accidentally create self-imposed glass ceilings and self-sabotage behaviour.

I’m curious: what has Imposter Syndrome been costing you?

  • Which opportunities have you turned down?
  • Which projects did you not start – or not compete?
  • How many hours have you lost due to stress or worry or emotions linked to your negative self-talk?
  • How many times have you felt demoralised, by comparing yourself to others and deciding that they are better than you?

If you were to tally up the cost, I’m guessing it’s much bigger than you would like.

And just imagine, if you do nothing and keep running this pattern, how much will that cost you, over the coming months and years?

The world needs your Light now, whether or not you’re running Imposter Syndrome!

And even if you now WISH you had done something about your Inner Critic years ago, remember that:

The second best time to plant an oak tree is today.

And it’s not just about you! Here are 3 reasons why your Dream Customers WISH you would deal with your Inner Critic and Imposter Syndrome:

  1. Negative self-talk keeps you stuck playing small, when they need you most, which means that many of your Dream Customers will be missing out on you completely:
  2. You can’t do your best work – in flow and connected with your inner genius – if you’re reciting mantras about how rubbish you are
  3. They want and need to believe in you, so that they can believe in themselves and the transformation you provide, whatever that is. That can’t happen unless you believe in yourself.

 

The great news is:

All of these stories about what we can or can’t achieve – or who we can or can’t be – are just thoughts. They’re not the Truth. They are simply symptoms of an inner critic – a disempowering internal dialogue – that is scared of either failure or success. And that’s ok.

What can you do?

Well, to start with: put a name to it. It takes the power out of the internal dialogue: “Oh – that’s just Imposter Syndrome come out to play.”

Can you feel the relief?

It takes the drama, emotions and potential victimhood out of the discussion. It stops the story in its tracks. It sets you free to make other choices.

Here’s another top tip:

This one’s from the world of yoga. Movement is the key to change. You can’t shift anything by standing still.

Want to sort out your inner critic and shift your internal dialogue? Then move – physically! Take action. Stop being stuck. You will never set yourself free from Imposter Syndrome by sitting at your desk and worrying.

Forget the old saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.”

If what you’re doing isn’t working, try something different.

The bottom line? Thousands of my clients, students and readers over the past 10+ years have proved to me that you CAN choose which thoughts to feed. You CAN set yourself free from Imposter Syndrome. And you can even tame your inner critic – retraining it to become your biggest cheerleader.

I would love to teach you how – guiding you through, step by step.

How about we get started with Imposter Syndrome first? Right now?

I have seen so many people suffer from Imposter Syndrome – and I’ve been on the receiving end of it myself. So I have pulled together the gems from thousands of people’s journeys – the common thread techniques I have used to help them – and combined them into a process that takes less than 10 minutes to go through.

And it’s yours – as my gift – because the world needs your Light today, not when you’re ‘finally feeling ready’.

Register now to get instant access to this transformational video training – as my gift.

I can’t wait to hear what you choose to create and who you choose to be, once you have been through the Imposter Syndrome training.

See you on the ‘other side’!

With love, Namaste,

Clare x

P.S. If you know anyone else who would love to ditch Imposter Syndrome, please share this article with them, so that they can sign up for the free course, too.

Podcast: My Favorite Sanskrit Word – It’s The Fastest, Most Effective And Easiest Way To Grow Your Business

Dare To Dream Bigger Podcast

How did you get on last week with the 1% rule? Have you joined us for the free 5 Steps To Tame Your Inner Critic video training yet?

 

This week I’m spilling the beans on how my favourite Sanskrit word allows me to create business growth and breakthroughs, where I used to suffer from chaos, exhaustion and overwhelm.

And you could do it, too. All will become clear, once you have listened to today’s podcast:

And when you’ve listened to this episode, I’d love to hear from you – via the comments:

  • How might my favourite Sanskrit word help you to grow your business?
  • How might you apply it to other areas of your life?
  • And what are you going to start with – in the next hour?

Here are today’s show notes:

I’ll be back next week when we’ll be covering time management for entrepreneurs – and how most of us are getting this totally back-to-front.

I hope you have an amazing week!

With love, Namaste,

Clare x

Mentor To Passionate World-Changers, Author Of The Dare To Dream Bigger Entrepreneur’s Handbook

P.S. Are you an Academy member yet? Click here to join now.

Podcast: Forget The 80/20 Rule – Why Your Business Breakthroughs Need The 1% Rule Instead

Dare To Dream Bigger Podcast

How did you get on last week with the inner critic stuff? Have you joined us for the  5 Steps To Tame Your Inner Critic video training yet?

And this week: want to know why it’s time to forget (or at least put on one side) the 80:20 rule if you want to create business breakthroughs? And it’s time to move on over to the 1% rule instead?

This is NOT about perfectionism and getting everything 99% right. It’s about how overnight success is a myth and what your body, mind, Soul and even customers wish you were doing instead. This could be a game-changer for you:

 

Clare Josa's podcast - Dare To Dream Bigger - Is available on iTunes

And when you’ve listened to this episode, I’d love to hear from you – via the comments:

  • How might the 1% rule help you grow your business?
  • Which metric might you start with?
  • And what action could you take in the next hour, to set in motion something that could grow that metric by 1%?

 

Here are today’s show notes:

 

Enjoyed today’s episode? Help spread the word!

 

I’ll be back next week when I’ll be letting you know how my favourite Ancient Sanskrit word and how it is the fastest and most effective (and often easiest) way to grow your business.

I hope you have an amazing week!

With love, Namaste,

Clare x

Mentor To Passionate World-Changers, Author Of The Dare To Dream Bigger Entrepreneur’s Handbook

P.S. Are you an Academy member yet? www.DareToDreamBigger.biz/Academy

 

Podcast: How Can You Spot If Your Inner Critic Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Business?

Dare To Dream Bigger Podcast

This week we’re celebrating our inner critics – even if that sounds crazy! It’s that voice on your shoulder, that negative self-talk that gets in the way when we secretly want to step up to the next level.

And so in this week’s podcast we’re diving in, in more detail, to find out how your inner critic could be damaging your business and practical quick fixes you can get started on today:

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Click to subscribe on iTunes

And when you’ve listened to this episode, I’d love to hear from you – via the comments:

  • What action are you going to take in the next hour, to start taming your inner critic?
  • Which of these 5 issues resonates most for you?
  • And how has your inner critic been affecting your business results – and the experience of your customers?

Today’s Show Notes:

I’ll be back next week, when we’ll be talking about how you need to forget the 80/20 rule and focus on the 1% rule, instead, if you want to grow your business.

Make sure you’ve subscribed via iTunes, if you want to make sure you get a quick reminder once the episode is live. And you can get my free newsletter by registering below.

See you there!

With love, Namaste,

Clare x

Mentor To Passionate World-Changers, Author Of The Dare To Dream Bigger Entrepreneur’s Handbook

P.S. Are you an Academy member yet? Rates go up in just a few days. Here’s where to grab your lowest-price-ever membership – for life: www.ClareJosa.com/Academy

Make sure you catch each episode – plus member-only bonuses:

Prefer the transcript? Here you are!

 

Hello, and welcome to this week’s Dare To Dream Bigger business podcast with me, your host, Clare Josa, mentor to passionate world-changers.

 

This week we’re celebrating our inner critics. Yay! You know that voice on your shoulder, that negative thinking when we get into that self-talk that makes us feel miserable. Well, this week loads of us are getting together to do my inner critic kick-start program, which is completely free. You can find it at DareToDreamBigger.biz/innercritic. It’s a five-part video training and to celebrate because we’re going to be setting ourselves free from our inner critics and their hold on our businesses. Today’s podcast is about your inner critic too, so you can benefit from it whether or not you want to join me for this free video training.

 

I’m curious. Is your inner critic secretly stalling your business? How can you spot it? What is an inner critic anyway?

 

We all know that feeling. You’re totally fired up. You’re about to start doing something really important. You know it’s a bit of a comfort zone stretch. It might be a new opportunity in your business. It might be a new product line. It might be a different customer base.

 

There’s a little voice in your head that starts talking. It’s telling you all the reasons why you won’t be any good at it and how you’re never good at anything anyway, and you’re not ready. Maybe the timing is not right, and we should just leave this for now. It doesn’t really matter. We can just put it off for a bit.

 

You know you believe it because it’s told you it often enough over the years. You feel that tightness in your stomach. Your body tenses, and you might even feel fear and panic rising. But the thing is it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to live at the whim of this inner critic, of this voice, this negative self-talk. You can tame it.

 

You see; it’s just a habit. Like any other habit, it can be changed. It’s surprisingly easy when you know how. That’s what we cover with the inner critic kick-start.

 

Today, I want to take you on a whistle stop journey of how to spot your inner critic, what to do about it, and how potentially to turn it into your biggest cheerleader. If that might be useful for you in your business, keep listening.

 

Now, one of the biggest ways our inner critic surfaces in our business is self-sabotage. I’ve already described the whole kind of not stepping up on our comfort zone. It’s also turning down opportunities. Maybe somebody makes you an incredible offer or asks you to do something, and you just leave it that little bit too late to reply to the email or to return the call. Or, you convince yourself that you’re too busy to do something that you secretly know could take your business to the next level. We’ve all done it. It’s so normal. But, the thing is, if you want to dare to dream bigger and make a difference in the world, you’re going to have to learn to make peace with your inner critic.

 

The common side effects of having an inner critic, which most of us do, I did meet somebody once who didn’t have one, a wonderful 17-year-old girl. She was really confused when I was talking about it. But, in 14 years of serving the audience I serve, she’s the first one I’ve met.

 

The most common side effects include:

  • Lack of self-esteem. We beat ourselves up when we try to do something important. Your inner critic is fantastic about reminding you about your mistakes.

 

  • Stress is another symptom. Your inner critic is responsible for the vast majority of stress in your life due to the stories it tells. There’s actually a bonus article on this with the show notes today.

 

Is your monkey mind telling you the truth about stress? You’ll either love this article, or you will want to lob rotten tomatoes at your laptop or computer screen at me. To find the show notes: DTDBpodcast.biz/006. Find out the role that your inner critic is playing in your stress stories.

 

  • The other one we’ve talked about is self-sabotage. When you’re just about to achieve something you’ve been dreaming of, your inner critic leaps in and pulls the rug from under you. Or, maybe it creeps in quietly around the corner.
  • Insomnia is another one. If you’re lying awake at 3:00 a.m., then chances are it’s your inner critic choosing the bedtime stories. Maybe you’re feeling exhausted.

 

Your inner critic is running the show. That keeps you running your sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight, meaning you’ve got too much cortisol and adrenalin in your system. That absolutely exhausts your adrenals, and it’s really going to hit your energy levels and maybe even your physical, emotional, and mental health.

 

  • Okayness is another symptom. Your inner critic is the biggest single reason why most of us put up with a life that’s okay rather than great.

 

  • Your inner critic is so good at reminding you about all the things that you did or didn’t do and ways you let people down. Those are its words, not mine. Some of my clients and students go so far as to call their inner critic their own worst enemy. It’s strong stuff.

 

Now, if any of this feels familiar, and you’re feeling a bit fed up with that inner critic and that negative self-talk, then today I want to cover five techniques you can use to tame that inner critic and move on with life. Here are five surefire techniques you can use today to start taming your inner critic.

 

Now, I’ve been where you’re at with my inner critic, and sometimes–I have to confess–it pops back and it reminds me it’s still there when I least suspect it. But, fortunately, having been an NLP trainer since 2003, being a meditation teacher, as well as being a reformed engineer, I’ve developed plenty of practical strategies to handle it fast. I’ve shared them with so many thousands of people now that I know they work. Here are five of my favorite, do them today, techniques to help you tame your inner critic and set yourself free.

 

The first one is a mindset shift. There’s a fact I need to tell you here. You are not the same as your inner critic. It is just a thought in your head. Okay. Your inner critic is not a real person. It is just a thought habit.

 

Let’s start by getting the record straight. Although most of us identify pretty strongly with our inner critics, we are not the same thing as our inner critic. It is just a train of thought. It is just a soundtrack that we’re used to playing. No matter how real it might feel, it isn’t actually real. It’s just a thought.

 

Sure, thoughts have energies, but your inner critic is something that’s in your head. Now, when you realize that, it gives you the power to make changes. You can choose which thoughts to feed by pressing pause. One of the best ways to do this is mindfulness. You might love my Mindfulness for Entrepreneurs program. When you’re falling into the trap of believing that you and your inner critic are one in the same being, then it will always hold the power. If you make it real, it will feel real.

 

What’s the fix on this? When you feel an inner critic thought coming up, press pause. You can do that. Remind yourself this is not who I am. This is a thought I am thinking. And let it go. Feel the relief bubble up.

 

Number two is don’t make the mistake of fighting it. I am not suggesting you indulge your inner critic’s every whim, but I am strongly suggesting you don’t outright reject it, fight it, or try to get rid of it. Why? Surely we want to get rid of our inner critic. As Carl Jung points out, what you resist persists. Now, that goes for your inner critic too. If you fight your inner critic or try to get rid of it, you’re resisting it. That means you’re giving it all of your attention, 100% of your headspace rent free, and you’re spending loads of time thinking about it.

 

Now, I’m a mother of three young boys, so I know that, like a tantruming child, if I feed my inner critic, it will learn to do more of what it got to get the attention it wanted. Just like if you feed the tantrum, if you feed the inner critic, it’s going to learn to do more of the same. This is why I talk about taming it rather than getting rid of it. It’s about accepting that it’s there. There’s a part of you that wants, at some level, for you to see the risks, for you to make sure that you’re not taking really crazy actions. At some level, it wants to protect you, no matter how mad that might feel when it’s in full blown character assassination.

 

If you reject a part of yourself, it will only ever lead to pain and conflict. Instead, we’re taming it. We’re retraining the part of you that runs your inner critic to be more supportive and empowering instead.

 

The fix on this one when your inner critic gets ranting, stop what you’re doing and notice that it’s there because then it doesn’t need to shout so loudly. It feels heard. Say a silent thank you, even if you don’t feel like it, but it’s the opposite of rejecting. Then consciously choose a happy thought.

 

Some of the best ways to do that are actually through meditation and mindfulness. As I say, I’ve got a meditation of mindfulness for entrepreneurs program, but also through gratitude. If you find that you get stuck complaining, you can get off the complaining train. You can retrain your brain to think thoughts that make you feel better. And, you might love my Growing Your Business with Gratitude program. I’ve also got a gratitude journal that makes a big difference with people called A Year Full of Gratitude.

 

Any program that gets you thinking about what you feel grateful for will make it much easier to pick, consciously to choose a happy thought when your inner critic is running wild. The time to practice this is when your inner critic is not speaking. Something as simple as having a gratitude journal and writing down three things each day you feel grateful for can help you to retrain your inner critic.

 

Number three today is stop feeding its pesky stories. Your inner critic loves drama, and it makes the nation’s favorite soap operas look dull, quite frankly, in comparison with the stories that are going on in our heads. We all love drama. We love to gossip. It’s why we love to share stories, and the more dramatic the better. Embellishing is completely okay in the inner critic’s world.

 

Now, unfortunately, when it comes to negative self-talk and your inner critic stories, the more you feed them, the worse you will feel, and the further you will move from the amazing life you’ve been dreaming of. Remember, there’s a bonus article for you on the show notes for this episode at DTDBpodcast.biz/006. Is your monkey mind telling you the truth about stress? It’s really worth going and reading this if you find that you get stuck feeding those stories.

 

The quick fix on this is to stop feeding the stories. When you feel an inner critic conversation coming on, press pause, and consciously choose whether you want to dive into that drama or whether you want to focus on something else instead. Actually, I’ve got a secret for you. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone into the drama track before you realize. You can always press pause and come on out again.

 

If you’re feeling stuck, then right now grab the nearest small object to you, pick it up in your hand, and really see it. Notice how the light reflects. How the shapes and contours give it form. Feel the weight of it in your hand. Notice the textures. Then, this is the icing on the cake, take a moment to connect with that object from your heart and to thank it for whatever it does for you. If you aim to do this for about a minute in total, it will physically shift the biochemistry in your body, releasing endorphins, rebalancing the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system, and helping you to feel happier.

 

There you go. You took physical action to pause the story, and you’ve moved yourself to a space of okayness and gratitude. That’s not bad for just picking something up for 60 seconds, is it?

 

Number four today: Are you suffering from “should I”? Just deleting the word “should” from your vocabulary is one of the best ways to tame your inner critic. Now, it’s a biggie for a lot of us.

 

How often do we use the word “should” in a typical day? I should do such and such. I ought to go to that meeting. Even though I don’t really want to, I should offer to help Fred with his project.

 

Now, it’s like there’s a naff theme tune in our day-to-day lives. But, if you pause for a moment and notice how “should” makes you feel, I’m guessing it triggers some kind of a sinking feeling in your stomach. Usually there’s a slouching of the shoulders and your back, a frown on your face, and a furrowed brow. The inner critic is addicted to “should” because it’s a great way to get our attention.

 

Here’s a quick fix. If you feel “should” coming up, pause and ask yourself, “Who says? Is that really true?” Let the answer bubble up. This isn’t about apportioning blame. It’s about pressing pause on the “should.” Notice what comes up for you and use it to gain insights into those old, autopilot behaviors that might be keeping you stuck because awareness is the first key to change through choice. Once you’re aware, you can choose whether or not you want to respond to “should,” or whether you want to make a conscious choice about your thoughts, your words, and your actions instead.

 

Then number five: I’ve got another secret for you. You don’t actually have to listen to your inner critic. Most of us listen slavishly to that negative self-talk. We replay it over and over in our heads, especially when we’re stressed. You don’t actually have to listen to it. Just because you’re having a thought, you don’t have to tune your radio to that frequency for the whole day. You can choose to turn down the volume and just let your inner critic get on with whatever it’s complaining about, in the background.

 

Here’s a quick fix. Imagine that you’re in a sitcom. Maybe one partner is ear bashing the other for some kind of mistake they’ve made. The partner who is being ear bashed just carries on reading the newspaper or iPad and nodding politely. When the person has fully vented their spleen, they demand to know what their partner thought of what they said.

 

“That’s nice, dear,” is the only response they get. The person on the receiving end doesn’t get rattled. They don’t argue back. They totally ride the wave of the other person’s drama, and it annoys the hell out of them by refusing to dance the destructive dance, but it works.

 

Now, what would happen if you were to play that game with your inner critic once in a while? Giving it a good old, “That’s nice, dear. I hear you.” Then ask it a question about something that moves things forwards in a different direction such as, “Okay. So I’m wondering. What do you want me to do instead?” And watch what happens.

 

Those are your five techniques today. It’s time for action. I’d love to know which of these techniques are you going to use today and, when you’ve tried them out, let me know what shifts you notice. You can find the comments box over at DTDBpodcast.biz/006. If your inner critic, negative self-talk, and self-sabotage are an issue for you in your business or in your wider life, please come and join us.

 

The Five Simple Steps to Taming Your Inner Critic is a video training. It takes less than ten minutes a day for five days. You can find it at DareToDreamBigger.biz/innercritic. I’d really, really love to share it with you. It’s fantastic stuff. Although it’s only a 5 part course, we’re still diving in deeply, and it can make a real difference for you.

 

I hope you found today useful. I’d love to hear from you, via the show note page comments. How does your inner critic get in the way and stall your business, which of the techniques today you’re going to play with, are you joining us for the inner critic kick-start program, and what action are you going to take in the next hour to start taming your inner critic? I would love to hear from you.

 

I’ll be back next week with the next episode when we’re going to be talking about why you need to forget the 80/20 rule in your business and why your business really needs you to focus on the 1% rule. We are not talking perfectionism here, so make sure you subscribe via iTunes. If you found this useful, please share it far and wide via social media. I hope you have a fantastic week. I will see you next time.

DTDB 004 – Why You Need To Learn To Love Unsubscribes, If You Want To Grow Your Business

Dare To Dream Bigger Podcast

Want to magnetise your dream customers, with less effort and zero fear? Then you need to learn to love unsubscribes!

Do you ever find yourself dreading seeing that ‘unsubscribed’ notification, after you send an email to your mailing list?

It used to knock me for six. But not any more.

Discover why I now LOVE it when people unsubscribe from my newsletter, how I turned things around, and how you can use these techniques to grow your business and even magnetise your dream customers.

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Click to subscribe on iTunes

And when you’ve listened to this episode, I’d love to hear from you – via the comments:

  • What action are you going to take?
  • What could you do to get to the stage where you love unsubscribes so much that you no longer feel afraid in any way to promote and send out your newsletter?
  • And how could you use your newsletter to inspire your dream customers – and grow your business?

And here are the upcoming events I mentioned:

And join us over at our Facebook group: Dare To Dream Bigger

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Clare x

Mentor To Passionate World-Changers, Author Of The Dare To Dream Bigger Entrepreneur’s Handbook

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Prefer the transcript? Here you go!

Hello. It’s Clare Josa here with this week’s Dare To Dream Bigger business podcast, Episode 004. Today, we’re talking about why I love it when people unsubscribe from my newsletter and why you need to get to that point too if you want to grow your business.

 

I’ve been running my business since 2002, back in the days where we barely had mailing lists, and you could almost handle them on your email system. It certainly wasn’t as easy as it is now. Having an email list is one of the most important things you can do to grow your business.

 

I work with a really big firm that doesn’t have anywhere on their homepage for people to sign up for their newsletters, and they wonder why it’s so hard to grow their business. They’re refusing to send newsletters to people. They do eventually collect email addresses if people phone in and ask to be put on the newsletter. But, when they then email people, it’s only ever to say, “Hey, we’re running this event. Come and give us some money.” They’re refusing to build that relationship.

 

It doesn’t matter how often I sit them down and explain to them how they’re not living their purpose by doing this, they’re missing out on people who really want to connect with them. They will not do a newsletter. Thankfully, they’re in the minority.

 

Now, the thing is that you can have a great following on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or Instagram, but that platform owns your subscriber list. If they change their terms and conditions at any stage, which they’ve been known to do, you could find yourself, overnight, unable to reach the people who want to hear from you. This happened with Facebook over the last few years. It used to be really easy to reach people via your Facebook page. Now, unless you’re going to pay hard cash, it’s nearly impossible. Getting people to opt into your newsletter has been shown, in research studies, to still be the most effective way to connect.

 

Now, one of the things with newsletters — I remember when I first launched mine many, many years ago, and it’s had many incarnations since. It’s kind of scary. You’re putting yourself out there publicly saying, “Hey, do you like me enough? Could you please let me stay in touch?” It’s all about building a relationship with your dream customer, accepting that maybe they’re not ready to buy from you yet, or maybe they’ve bought something, but they’re not ready to trade up. You need to spend time and effort building a relationship and helping them to get to know, like, and trust you so that when they’re ready to make that leap, whatever it is the transformation that you offer, yours will be the name that comes to mind.

 

The thing is, when you look in your email system and you’ve sent out newsletter, we all do this. It’s like [gasp], “How many people are going to read it? Are they going to click the links? Are they going to love it?”

 

The first thing to bear in mind is, with many, many email systems, as in the consumer end of email systems, it’s impossible for the email provider system to tell whether they actually opened the email and whether they clicked the link. When you’re looking at your figures, don’t be demoralized. They’re often only half of the actual truth. Probably twice as many people as you think are opening your emails, and twice as many people are clicking the links.

 

The other thing is, don’t be disheartened if, when you send out your email, it takes a day or two for people to actually get in there and go and read what you’ve been sending because everybody is busy. Often they’ll see your email and think, “Oh, I really want to read that, but I’ve got to do this first,” or, “I’m on the run,” or, “It’s in a format I can’t read on my phone,” or, “I’ll wait until I’m on my desktop.” It does take people time.

 

It’s a really rare relationship for your email to arrive and for someone to think, “I’m going to stop everything and read that.” Now, if you get to that stage, that’s fantastic. But then there’s the other side of the coin is the people who get your email, and they hit the “Unsubscribe” button.

 

I still remember the early days when this used to happen to me, and the first few times it happened–I have a confession to make here–I nearly cried. I felt so rejected. I felt so hurt. It hit all of my self-worth buttons. “This person hates me enough that they’ve unsubscribed! I must be rubbish!”

 

Now, I’m exaggerating a little, but not much. I know I’m not alone in this where I hang out and help people in various Facebook groups and LinkedIn forums. I see it over and over again. It’s so common that seeing an unsubscribe hurts.

 

Now, what hurts even more is someone hits the “Spam Complaint” button, unless you are spamming, in which case please stop now. You give us all a terrible reputation. On some email provider systems, it’s easier to hit the spam or complaint button than it is to look for the unsubscribe link. Very rarely does a spam complaint actually mean someone felt spammed, but it is an important chance for you to look in the mirror and see if maybe you were selling more than you were creating that relationship.

 

Over the years, I’ve got to the stage where I actually love it when somebody unsubscribes from my newsletter. I know that sounds crazy, but there are two reasons for it. One, on a positive note, if I’m going to Pollyanna it, I might like to think, “Well, hey. They’ve exhausted the journey that they can take with me and they’ve changed, they’ve developed, they’ve shifted, and they’ve moved on to someone else, and that’s great.” Or, it could mean they’re having a Marmite reaction, in which case I’m doing my job perfectly.

 

Marmite, for those of you who aren’t in the U.K., it’s a savory spread you can put on toast, a yeast extract spread. It sounds disgusting, doesn’t it? I think it’s delicious. I know people who hate it. We call it a Marmite reaction. People either love you or hate you. It’s kind of rare to meet somebody who is just okay about Marmite. You either like it or you don’t.

 

If everybody loves you, then in reality probably nobody loves you. In business, there are so many people out there with glossy façades, these glitzy veneers, beautiful marketing, and a graphic designer to die for, and they’re all cookie cutters. What people really love is somebody who is being authentic. The longer I work in the industry I’m in, the more I see people being cookie cutters. They pay for an expensive course to find out how to be the leader in their industry, and they all look the same.

 

What people really want is somebody they resonate with, and you cannot resonate with somebody who is pretending. So, how I got from the, “Oh, my God! They hate me! I’m just going to give up now,” when somebody unsubscribed, to the, “Oh, that’s cool. Decision made,” is by being me.

 

You’ll often hear me saying that success in business is less about what you do and who you allow yourself to be. When you’re doing, doing, doing, you are chasing customers. You’re begging them to love you. People sense that neediness a mile off. Instead, by being authentically and awesomely you and playing to your strengths and letting that essence of you run through every element of your business, you’re doing what my old mentor used to say, “Do what you do best, and do it well.”

 

The view I take now on unsubscribers is, “That’s great. We clearly weren’t a good fit.” I was authentic enough in that newsletter to help them to see that. There are no hard feelings. Everybody who unsubscribes takes me a step closer to meaning that everybody on my mailing list is a really good fit in both directions. They’re more likely to love working with me, and I’m more likely to love working with them.

 

We had this recently in the Dare To Dream Bigger business summit where we were, all of us presenters, sending out the information to our subscribers, to our dream customers, and some of the presenters had a really low conversion rate. Others had a massively high conversion rate of people who signed up for tickets.

 

We had a private presenters’ group, and I asked them what’s the difference. I said to the person who was getting the incredible yes rate, I said, “What are you doing different?” This person’s response was, “I was absolutely ruthless on making sure that my email list is only full of people who really want to work with me. I would rather have a list with a tenth of the people on it, but know that they actually want to hear from me each week, than have a list that’s got ten times as many people who frankly can’t be bothered.”

 

Now, I was on a mastermind last week at the Institute of Directors in London. One of the things we discussed there was that everybody that you are connected with in your business, whether they’re a customer or a potential customer, takes a tiny bit of energy. If your mailing list is ten times longer than it needs to be, and it’s full of people who aren’t really interested, well, you’re going to have to work hard to convince them to work with you. That takes a lot more effort than if your email list is much smaller, but it’s full of people who absolutely love hearing from you.

 

Can you feel the difference? How would it be for you if every time somebody unsubscribed from your newsletter, you took that as an, “Okay, this is a step closer to meaning that only people who really want to work with me and hear from me are on my list”? How might that change your attitude towards your email list? How much easier might it make for you to send out messages that really resonate with who you really are that excite and inspire your dream customers? It’s a simple mindset shift.

 

Now, there’s another problem I come up across a lot with my clients and my students. I was working with somebody very recently who had this problem too. They weren’t sending out regular content to their newsletter. Now, I hear the excuse all the time of, “Oh, I don’t want to bombard them,” or, “They don’t want to hear from me regular. I’d rather be spontaneous.”

 

Well, how would you feel if I only did this podcast once in a blue moon? Yeah, there’s something about the regularity of it. You know it’s coming out on a Monday. If you’re enjoying it, you’ve probably subscribed. Show notes, by the way, are DTDBpodcast.biz/004, today.

 

You’ve probably subscribed, and you probably have kind of a mental space in your diary to make sure that you listen. That is how you want your customers to feel. If you only contact them once in a blue moon, then it’s not going to work as well. You’re not feeding that relationship. There’s no to and fro. There’s no conversation. I see this all the time.

 

You can tell which of the big name gurus are with which mentors because suddenly you won’t hear from any of them for months. Then, suddenly a group of them will email you all starting the same day, seven days. Then on day eight is the big pitch.

 

They’re offering loads of free content and loads of added value for those seven days. Then it’s like, “Right, okay. I’ve helped you. Now you buy from me.” It’s funny because I’ve got tuned now that if I hear from them, I know that there’s a pitch coming because they never contact me unless there’s a pitch, unless there’s a launch.

 

It’s like clockwork. It’s so predictable, and it’s so sad because what it says to me, as a person, is they don’t really value me. They value my money. I can feel the agenda.

 

Now, that regular, little, and often, it depends on your market. It might be once a week. It might be once a fortnight. It might be once a month. But, getting into the mental diary of your customers and sending them stuff that adds value, stuff that actually excites them, stuff that makes them think, “Whenever I open the email from you, it changes me. It gives me something. I love it.” That’s how to get them to open.

 

This issue I see coming up so often. You can sum it up in one sentence. Business owners resist contacting their customers because they’re scared the customer will feel like they’re being bothered. “I don’t want to bother them. I don’t want to be in the way. I don’t want to interrupt their lives.”

 

Well, there is that, so make sure that you don’t feel like you’re bothering them, and you don’t come across as interrupting them, but can you see this is actually not about the customers. This is about the business owner. Who told you in your earlier life that you were bothering them? What is that old pattern that’s coming up here for release?

 

If we think about it logically without the emotion and the old limiting beliefs, fears, and worries, if somebody signs up for your newsletter, they are telling you they want to hear from you. It’s like a friend giving you stamped addressed envelope and saying, “Write to me.” If you then don’t because you’re scared of bothering them, they’re going to feel like you’ve broken part of the deal.

 

I have situations sometimes where people register for my newsletter and they type their email address in incorrectly, so they never hear from me. Five or six weeks later, they’ll write and complain and say, “Why didn’t you email me?” They want to hear from you. They’re hungry.

 

Now, the other thing is if you write to them with that fear in the back of your mind of, “I don’t want to bother them,” you’re going to come across as apologetic. You’re unlikely to be authentic. You’re very unlikely to inspire them. They will feel that fear.

 

The fact is, everybody who signs up for your newsletter wants to hear from you. You’ve got an agreement. You’ve said, “Give me your email address and, ideally, your first name, and I will contact you. I will send you things that will make a difference in your life. I will inspire you. I will be a ray of sunshine in your inbox.” If you don’t build that relationship, both sides are missing out.

 

Just be authentic. Maybe brainstorm right now of five ways that you could inspire your customers with your next few newsletters. Plan ahead. Create them ahead. Enjoy it. Get excited about the relationship that you’re building. It doesn’t matter whether you’re selling services, courses, or widgets. There are things that you can talk about in a newsletter that will make a positive difference in your customer’s life. Go and do it now.

 

I’d like to finish with an idea from a dear friend of mine, Star Khechara. She talks about instead of chasing customers with your newsletters, be the flame and allow the moths to come to you. It’s the energy of a newsletter.

 

So often we’re out there pushing, pushing, pushing. “Please. I’m desperate to fill such and such a program. Would you please sign up?”

“No.”

 

Be the flame. Be authentically, awesomely who you are, and your customers will come to you. They will then choose to open your newsletters. If you add more value than you’re asking for in return, then you will become a part of their routine.

 

I really hope that’s helped you for today. I’d love to hear from you over at the show notes via the comments. What action are you going to take? What could you do to get to the stage where you love unsubscribes so much that you no longer feel afraid in any way to promote and send your newsletter? And, how could you use your newsletter to grow your business?

 

There are also some quick dates for the diary for you today. Hot off the press, I’m going to be back at the Institute of Directors on the 29th of February. We’re going to be running a one-day workshop, an intensive workshop. If you are ready to take the next leap in your business, we’re going to use the Leap Year Day this year.

 

Everyone is too busy working in their business to work on it, so let’s use the extra day this year, the 29th of February, a one-day intensive that’s going to be a business transformation workshop. If you’ve got a dream that you want to take to the next level, a new product, maybe changing your audience, whatever it is, in that day we’re going to work together as a group, and you’re going to get the shifts you want. You can find out about that and book your place–very limited places–DareToDreamBigger.biz/intensive.

 

On the 22nd of Feb, we’re doing a five-day, online, live, free course on taming your inner critic. That’s at DareToDreamBigger.biz/innercritic.

 

And, I’ve got a time master class for you on the 2nd of March. If you want to know how to magically make more time–and who doesn’t, frankly–then come and find that too. You’ll find the registration for that at the show notes for today’s session. That’s at DTDBpodcast.biz/004.

 

Now, I can’t wait to hear what you’re going to do with this stuff today, and how about joining us over at Dare To Dream Bigger on Facebook and maybe letting us know what shifts you’re going to make. What shifts are you going to make? How are you going to use your newsletter in a different way as a result of today’s podcast? And, what difference is it you could make in the life of your customers through your newsletter that means you’ll get them opening every single issue?

 

I hope you have a fantastic week. I’ll be back next time with Episode 005.

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