getting in flow Archives

Following Your Bliss – Are You Suffering From "Should-itus"?

How do most of us spend the day?

Probably doing the same old, same old. Following the routine. Stuck on the treadmill of obligation and habit. Waiting for the day when things will finally change. But what if there were another way? How would it be if we could be free to follow our dreams – follow our bliss?

Instead of waiting for life to “happen to us”, thinking “I’ll be happy, when…” (fill in your personal “when” here!), how would it be if we could turn things around, right here? Right now?

Well, consider this your official kick up the butt.

Let’s zip forward a few years. Let’s imagine it’s your 80th birthday party.

You’re surrounded by those you love.

There’s a great bit cake and a real party atmosphere.

As you look around you, as the 80-year-old you, you take a moment to look back at your life – at the choices you made. You’re looking at the types of thoughts you had, the ways you acted, the decisions – big and small.

Knowing what you know as the 80-year-old you, what advice would you give the person sitting back in the here and now…?

I’m guessing it probably wouldn’t be to work harder, but perhaps to play harder.
It probably wouldn’t be to follow the rules more, but to follow your heart.
It probably wouldn’t be to keep doing things you hate, but to find things to do that you love.

Well? How about it? What’s stopping you?

Here are the usual culprits that prevent us from living our bliss:

Fear – fear that it might go wrong. Fear of what others might think.
Comfort zone – breaking out of our comfortable status quo means the vast majority of people live a life that is way below their potential for love, happiness and joy.
Expectations – we usually choose to behave the way we think people want us to, rather than the way our heart tells us is right.
We feel we don’t deserve it, at some level
We follow our heads, not our hearts

Whatever our personal excuse, do you really want to spend the next few decades living a half life?

Or is there even a glimmer of excitement at the prospect of being able to break free of the constraints that have been holding you back? Can you sense that there is more joy and bliss – or even just a glimmer of happiness – that’s yours for the taking?

In fact, it’s your birth right!

Whatever your religious (or non-religious) persuasion, there’s no law out there that says you can’t feel as much happiness as could possibly be squeezed into a human body!

We all arrive on this planet with a heart full of dreams and a driven sense of purpose.

As we grow up, we learn to forget about all this and do what we think is expected of us, rather than follow our dreams.

Are You Suffering From “Should-itus”?

Words like “should”, “ought to” and “have to” are all classic symptoms of what I call “should-itus” – the early warning sign that we’re following our head, not our heart.

With a mild case of should-itus, there’s just a general feeling of dis-ease. You’re generally ok and happy, but you’re aware that something is missing.

As should-itus progresses, the symptoms get stronger. The sense of dis-ease increases and the knowing that something is missing gets stronger.
Then we squash it with avoidance tactics – and eventually addictive behaviours. These range from “little” things like sugar, chocolate, caffeine or Facebook 😉 to narcotics, exercise addictions and other behaviours that can destroy our self-esteem and relationships.

As we grow up, we can see, deep down, that most people are just “ok”. Raising your hand and yelling to the world that you want more than “ok” is often frowned upon. We don’t want to stand out from the crowd. So we put up with feeling “ok, but mildly dissatisfied” and get on with life.

After all, who are we to aim for a more joyful life experience?

It simply doesn’t have to be that way!!!!!

The sad thing is that most of us aren’t ready to even admit there might be a path of bliss for us to follow.

And I send masses of love to those still in that very painful place.

But if you’re even a teeny bit ready to turn around and see that there’s another way to live your life, then I’m sending out a massive cheer and huge hugs to celebrate!

Are you ready to make a start on the simple changes that could transform your life?
Are you ready to head out towards a life that’s fulfilling, filled with love, light, laughter and sunshine?
Are you ready to take total responsibility for every thought, feeling and action you take?

Then welcome to the ride!

Following your bliss isn’t about throwing away everything that’s important to you about your life.

It’s about making subtle, yet powerful, changes to how we experience the life we already have. Then we can make tweaks to duck out of the stuff that ‘s not working for us and bring in more of what we love.

Would You Like A Helping Hand?

Over the coming days, weeks and months, I’m going to be blogging about following your bliss, sharing the practical steps you can take to move towards the life you deserve.

We’re going to be talking about topics including:

How do we know what your bliss is? And what is bliss anyway?
How do we move towards our bliss?
How do we handle the stuff that drags us down?
How on earth do we get a grip on the stream of negative thoughts we have every day?
How do we release the blocks that have been holding us back from following our bliss?

And if you’re already on your journey towards following your bliss, how about sharing your top tips and advice via the comments box below?

I can’t wait to hear from you!

With love,

Clare x

What Are You Trying To Control?

Inspirational Messages

Are you a control freak? Perhaps even the teeniest little bit? Most of us don’t like to admit it… I used to be an expert in “Control Theory”. Nowadays I’m studying much more about letting go of control. Would you like to find out why going with the flow can literally set you free?

Back in my Uni days, I studied something called “Control Theory”. (My degree was Mechanical Engineering, but this one sounded like something straight out of a psychology text book.) And, though I never quite understood why, I was very good at it.

Anyway, “Control Theory” was about how two (or more) related systems behave together – and how to set it up so that one controls the other. And how to predict how this interaction will behave, under certain circumstances. Sound familiar?

I remember very little about the subject now (apologies to my former lecturer), but I do remember it was about taking a “real world” scenario, turning it into a representation of that scenario, using mathematics, then being able to predict what the “output” would be, given various “inputs”.

There were very specific rules and expectations for how the systems would behave and I remember the aim was to simplify your model, as far as you could, removing any unpredictability or “noise”.

The other thing I remember about these mathematical “maps of the world” was that there was always this elusive thing called “gain”. You put something in, you turned up the gain, you got something else – even better – out.

Several decades on (ahem, not spilling those beans, thank you!), I have found that “Control Theory” bears a striking resemblence to “real life”.

In order to try to make sense of the world, we simplify our model of things – making assumptions about how things really are.

Then, because we tend to feel more comfortable when we can predict the outcome, we go for our own, personal version of control theory.

Most of us have figured out that by doing a particular thing a particular way, we get the outcome we wanted.

We like to feel we are in control.

In fact, much of the stress-related illness that is so rampant these days has its roots in us feeling out of control.
Yet needing to control everything can be completely exhausting, which also makes you ill.

[See Is Being In Control Wearing You Out?]

Feeling out of control causes emotional, mental and even physiological symptoms. It’s as though we feel we have to be in control, otherwise something terrible will happen. We develop all sorts of coping strategies, to help us stay in control, no matter what happens. And if we lose control, we can end up freaking out.

The funny thing is that very little of what we try to control is actually within our control.

Usually we’re trying to control:

Our kids
Our partner
Our home / work environment
Friends / family / co-workers
The weather!

But none of these things are actually in our power to control. Sure, we can influence them, but actually controlling how others behave is impossible. So, instead, we resort to highly effective tools like guilt, coersion, persuasion and even near-bulllying-tactics, to get the outcome we want.

Why do we do this? What’s the “gain” for us?

We get the predictable outcome that we wanted. We feel safe. Life “makes sense”.

The weird thing is that, whilst spending all this exhausting time and effort, trying to control things outside of ourselves, we put very little effort into controlling ourselves.

We let our thoughts run rampant.
We feel victim to our emotions.
Life “happens to us”.
Inner peace is – apparently – only for the deluded.
It’s “not our fault” – “we can’t help it”.

We abdicate the entire responsibility for our happiness onto how those around us behave.

If we stop and think about that for a minute, that’s really scary.

You made me angry ~ How did they force you to feel angry?

If you do that, I’ll feel happy ~ So you’re choosing not to feel happy, if they don’t do that?

If it’s sunny on Sunday, we’ll have a lovely afternoon ~ Are you choosing to have a bad afternoon, if it’s not sunny?

Is it really fair to make other people or external circumstances responsible for our happiness?
Isn’t that giving away our personal power?
It’s no wonder we want to try to stay in control.

But what can we do instead?

Do you remember what it felt like to trust?

What would happen if we let go a little bit? Just a teeny bit. If we trusted?

Does it really matter if someone does something differently to us, if they get the same outcome? Yes, it might take longer or there might be mistakes to learn from, but does it really matter?
Imagine what it would feel like, to be able to let go of feeling responsible for everything and everyone?

What would happen if we reclaimed our personal power?
Imagine what it would feel like, to be able to feel ok, even if someone else is behaving badly?

Over the coming weeks, I’m going to be writing a series of articles to help you move from needing to be in control, towards getting back into flow with life, feeling happier, less stressed and taking steps towards letting miracles into your life.

If that’s a journey that appeals to you, make sure you don’t miss any of the articles by bookmarking this link:

http://www.beyond-alchemy.com/tag/getting-in-flow/

Next time I’ll be writing about the hidden price of trying to stay in control and why you could be throwing away your dreams. See you then!

Is Being In Control Wearing You Out?

Inspirational Messages

I often dip into my pocket copy of the Tao Te Ching, when I want a bit of inspiration – and this morning’s verse was quite apt.

I woke up at 6 a.m., having got to sleep at 1 a.m. and been woken by my 2 year-old at 3 a.m., ready for my first coffee of the day.

Feeling exhausted has been a common theme for me – not just the “I need a good night’s sleep” kind of tired, but really, deep down exhausted.

And over the years, I’ve realised I’ve been pretty good at feeling tired. In fact, I was just 21 when feeling “Tired All The Time” (TATT – don’t you love it?!) got me into researching alternative therapies, starting with aromatherapy.

But, whatever I have tried -and I’ve tried the lot – nothing has shifted the general, underlying exhaustion.

It has been a constant companion through every life upheaval I have created over the last few decades!

And I know I’m not alone in this. I suspect a large number of you reading this are nodding, knowingly. Or planning to suggest even more alternatives that I’ve not yet tried. 😉

Last week I decided that enough was finally enough. There are so many things that I’m here to do, feeling exhausted no longer fits with my game plan. (Though it has been a great excuse for avoiding so much over the years!).

So, dipping into the Tao, at random, this morning, I wasn’t at all surprised by the lines I read:

To seek control is to create dis-stress.
To create dis-stress produces exhaustion.

How many of us are running this pattern?

By trying to control the world around us, the events that are out of our hands, the people who – outrageously – have their own minds and do as they please, we are using up phenomenal amounts of energy. We are exhausting ourselves. And feeling miserable into the bargain.

Tomorrow, I’ll be writing some more about what we can do instead.

In the meantime, I invite you to ponder those lines from the Tao today – and see where they take you. I suspect that answers – and change – are on the way.

Here’s to feeling bouncily full of vibrant energy!

With love,
Clare x

getting in flow