Clare Josa | Author And Keynote Speaker

UK's Foremost Imposter Syndrome Expert, International Keynote Speaker & 8x Author

Is It Finally Time To Tame Your Inner Critic?

Far from having to be at the mercy of our self-talk, there are simple things you could do in the next few minutes to start taming your inner critic - and even turn it into your biggest cheerleader! Here are some recent articles, videos and podcasts on turning negative self-talk around, without pretending.

Be Careful Who You’re Letting Rent Space In Your Head

How To Change Your Life

I had a useful reminder of this one recently.

Watch out who you’re letting rent the space in your head. It’s ok to evict any tenant who’s dragging you down.

I’m normally pretty good at being able to keep other people’s ‘stuff’ out of my ‘head-rent-space’. But there’s been a situation over the past week where I’m having to deal with someone who is feeling very stressed and pretty sad – and I’ve been letting them pass it on to me.

How did I spot it?

Because I was spending a lot of my spare time thinking and talking about that person and their behaviour and – here’s the crunch – I was feeling irritated and stressed, whenever I thought about the situation. My Monkey Mind’s story machine was in overdrive.

I was letting them live in my head, rent-free, and was letting their issues impact the way I was feeling.

It’s a surprisingly common problem.
It can lead to stress and worry, with a massive dollop of negative thinking and generally feeling bad.

What can you do, when someone else is camping out in your head?

Let go of the story!

Here’s a quick – but highly effective – 3-step action plan:

  1. Ask yourself (very honestly!): what’s true in this – and what’s drama? Let go of everything that’s drama. It will feel better – instantly – especially if you do this from a place of compassion, rather than anger. (Remember: all criticism is borne of someone else’s pain)
  2. Ask yourself: do I need to take any specific action to improve this situation? If yes, do it. If no, let go and move on.
  3. Each time that person pops back into your head space, lovingly remind yourself that you have chosen not to play that game any more and think of something else. If you find that hard, you can always experiment with the ‘cutting old ties‘ exercise.

It’s not about rejecting the other person.

It is about setting clear boundaries (with yourself!) and accepting responsibility for the fact that who and what you let hang around in your head will impact your exoerience of life – and we always have choice.

I’m curious: is there anything going on for you where this might help today?

When you experiment with this, you’ll notice you end up with a wonderful sense of relief, when the job is done.

Wishing you a day full of sunshine and laughter.
Namaste,
Clare

This article is an excerpt from The Little Book Of Daily Sunshine by Clare Josa.

Whose Pain Is It Anyway?

Inspirational Messages

“All criticism is borne of someone else’s pain.”
Native American Indian saying

All criticism is borne of someone else's pain - bonus article
Sometimes people do stuff that’s really unacceptable.

Yes, there’s a sliding scale so ‘unacceptable’, but it’s still not ok.

It’s our tendency to retaliate in some way – perhaps by behaving unkindly or even doing something nasty to them. It’s easy to hold resentments and grudges and to allow those to colour our exoerience of relating with that person. We can direct all sorts of painful emotions towards them and even stay awake half the night, replaying the movie of how terrible their actions were.

But there’s a difference between the person and their actions – a person is not their behaviour.

The behaviour – the actions – are the outwards appearance of the person. What is deep down inside, the essence of that person, is different from their actions. At some level, they are running the same kinds of auto-pilot responses that we do. At some level, they just want to be happy, just like us.

Deep down, most people (no matter how bad their behaviour) are just muddling their way through life, without much of an instruction manual, just like us. Their choices about their behaviour might be pants, but that doesn’t make them a bad person – any more than it would make us a bad person, when we make bad choices.

So there is a difference between the person and their behaviour – the actor and the actions.

Like actors in a play, what we show the outside world isn’t necessarily the truth of who we really are, but is a script – a series of behaviours – that can change.

When we remember that, we can set ourselves free from much of the pain. We create a space between their action and our response, which can allow us to choose a response for the long-term higher good, rather than short-term retaliation.

It’s a challenging mindset shift, but it gives you back your personal power and helps you to be less impacted by others’ actions.

And it’s the key to cultivating compassion, if that’s what you choose to do.

Namaste,
Clare

P.S. I really hope this article has helped you. It’s a bonus article from my ‘Let Your Light Shine‘ programme.

If you have been on the receiving end of someone’s criticism, or if you’re keeping yourself stuck dreaming big, but playing small, then it’s time for you to Let Your Light Shine.

This is a beautiful 5 day online course to help you set yourself free from the fear of ‘Haters’ and ‘Trolls’, so you can get on with making a difference in the world. With a smile on your face! xx Clare

Time To Stop Feeding Your ‘Monkey Mind’?

Inspirational Messages

Have you ever noticed how much we all love telling stories? I’m not talking Jackanory here – we’re much more subtle.

Our ‘monkey mind’ (the part of us that does the running commentary, whatever we’re doing) is rarely off-duty and relishes a little drama. It believes that life without our own personal soap opera would be about as exciting as Christmas without the cranberry sauce.

Is it time to stop feeding your monkey mind?
Is it time to stop feeding your monkey mind?

And the thing is that the monkey mind is far from being a neutral observer. It much prefers to pass comment on everything that’s going on, feeding the currently-favoured emotion like bellows on an open fire.

And I had a lovely reminder of this a little while ago. [Read more…] about Time To Stop Feeding Your ‘Monkey Mind’?

Why Passing Judgement Is A Risky Business

Inspirational Messages

Most of us are so used to passing comment about everything and everyone around us that we don’t even notice we’re doing it.

And if we were to notice, we’d probably just laugh it off, with a slightly guilty conscience.

Find out why it’s a seriously risky business.

Yet passing judgment on others gives our unconscious mind a dangerously negative message.

Why passing judgement is risky business
Why passing judgement is risky business

It’s a fact of life: most of us are walking round passing judgement and commenting on the world around us.

Even reading newspaper or magazine that’s judging celebrities, for example, is giving our unconscious mind the message that you have to look or behave in a certain way, in order to be accepted.

Whether it’s commenting on someone else’s clothes or the state of the cafe where we grab a coffee, we’re passing judgement and it’s usually not pretty…

It’s partly a cultural thing and partly a product of our upbringing that gives us this habit. And some of us have it worse than others.

There are two major risks with running this one:

  1. It can encourage us to run generally negative thought patterns.
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  2. Every time we judge someone else, it gives our unconscious mind the message that we have to behave, think, dress or speak in a certain way, in order to meet others’ approval – and even be loved.

The thing is that our unconscious mind doesn’t pay attention to whether we’re talking about the person in the street or ourselves. It just pays attention to the emotions behind the message.

So it quickly learns that being accepted or loved is dependent on us being a projection of who we think others want us to be – whether that’s accurate or not.

Yet have you ever noticed people who are genuinely “happy in their own skin” are those who attract friends like a magnet? They radiate a confidence and a level of self-acceptance that makes it easy to be around them. It’s as though they are so happy with who they are, so able to see the positive aspects, that they act as a mirror to us of those qualities in ourselves.

So believing we have to be someone who we aren’t, in order to be liked, is a recipe for disaster.

Yet being who we truly are can be one of the greatest challenges we’ll ever face.

And it’s a life-long journey, peeling away the layers of the onion, releasing the limiting beliefs that are holding us back, each time discovering anew who we truly are – and how amazing that person is.

And one of the simplest steps towards that goal is to let go of judging others – and ourselves.

Turning down the volume on our inner critic; letting go of the need to find fault; looking for the good in people, places and situations, rather than having an eagle eye for their mistakes.

And taking this one thought at a time is the easiest way to start.

Playing with this for even just 3 days and it could literally change your life.

Want to give it a try?

Your ego says it’s not your fault

Inspirational Messages

It’s not your fault…Your ego says it’s not your fault.

It’s all the other person’s fault. It’s something they said or did – or didn’t say or do. Or it’s circumstances. Or it’s your job. Or it’s the government. Or even the weather. It’s definitely not your fault.

When given the choice between feeling happy or being a victim, your ego chooses “victim” every time.

But why? That doesn’t make sense? Or does it…?

[Read more…] about Your ego says it’s not your fault

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