Clare Josa | Author And Keynote Speaker

UK's Foremost Imposter Syndrome Expert, International Keynote Speaker & 8x Author

limiting beliefs

Do You Have A Secret Self-Imposed Glass Ceiling That Is Keeping You Stuck?

takefive

Did you know that the single biggest reason why people don’t take inspired action on their dreams is their self-imposed glass ceiling?

Are you running one?

And is it holding you back?

In today’s #takefivementoring video you’ll discover the surprisingly simple question that helps you to spot self-imposed glass ceilings – before they trash your dreams – and you’ll learn what you can do to turn things around in the next five minutes.

Over to you!

Once you’ve watched the video, let me know what action you’re going to take, via the comments.

x Clare

Want to work with Clare? => How to work together

 

Prefer To Read? Here’s The Transcript:

Are You Running A Secret Self-Imposed Glass Ceiling?

Welcome to this week’s #takefivementoring with actionable insights, and breakthroughs that you can do for yourself and under five minutes, to set yourself free from imposter syndrome and to become the leader you were born to be.

And this week we’re looking at glass ceilings, specifically the self-imposed variety, because they’re the ones over which you have the most control, even though most of us don’t realise we’re running them. So how do you spot if you’ve got a self-imposed glass ceiling that’s getting in the way of your career dreams or your business dreams and stepping up to that next level of leadership? And making the difference you’re really here to make in the world? One simple question.

“I can’t do that, because…” Think about something that is on your wish list for your goals or your long term vision and just allow

the answers to that to bubble up, without judgment, without editing. You want to get at least five answers. “I can’t do that, because…” Press pause, jot down some notes and come back to me for the second half of this exercise.

. . . . . . .

So how did you get on? What were your ‘becauses’? Now here’s how you can tell if you’re running a self-imposed glass ceiling. You go through that list of 5, 6, 7 or 8 becauses and you start with looking at them, asking: “Is that really true?” With some of them, you’ll just look at them, you’ll know their nonsense, you can just draw a line through those.

Then look at what’s left on the list. Ask: “Do I have any control over that, whatsoever?” Is it something from within or is it something external? If it’s something external, and you genuinely can’t make a difference in that, then you need to park it. What you’re looking for is the gems on the list that

feel real to you; that create an emotional response in your body; over which you do have control. Pick one of those, draw a big ring around it. And ask yourself, “What am I going to take today to move towards clearing that out?”

Look at what support you might need. But there will be more that you can do about that than you might think. And often simply being aware is enough to start to create those breakthroughs. So that is your #takefivementoring for this week. Let me know via the comments what action you’re going to take as a result of the insights you’ve gained from this video.

Want to work with Clare? => How to work together

 

 

How To Tame Your Inner Critic In Under Sixty Seconds [DTDB037]

Podcasts

How to tame your inner critic in under sixty seconds https://www.clarejosa.com/podcast/037I’m curious: is it time to tame your inner critic? Does yours ever catch you out? How can you spot it, before everything falls apart? And how can you get back on track? Today I want to share with you:

  • why negative self-talk isn’t all in your head
  • the invisible cycle that means a single negative thought can last for weeks, instead of minutes
  • the real cause of Imposter Syndrome
  • why you can’t ‘think’ your way out of negative thinking or Imposter Syndrome – no matter what the ‘experts’ say
  • a practical strategy: how to tame your inner critic and press ‘pause’ on Imposter Syndrome in under sixty seconds

Here’s Today’s Episode:

[smart_track_player url=”https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/dtdbpodcast/dtdbpodcast037.mp3″ tweet_text=”Wish you could ditch your inner critic? Here’s how – in under 60 seconds” hashtag=”entrepreneur” twitter_username=”clare_josa” ]
Clare Josa's podcast - Dare To Dream Bigger - Is available on iTunes

And Here Are The Resources:

Tweetables:

[Tweet “Want to tame your #innercritic? Here’s how – in under 60 seconds.”]

[Tweet “Did you know your inner critic isn’t all in your head? Here’s how to tame it in under 60s. #entrepreneur”]

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And It’s Over To You:

How had your inner critic been getting in the way? What shifted with the ABC process?

And how might you remind yourself to play with this technique?

Let me know, via the comments.[/page_section]

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With love, Namaste,

Clare Josa, ‘Inside Work’ Mentor To Passionate World-Changers

P.S. Want to deep-dive on this and get to the root of your Imposter Syndrome issues? Is it finally time to tame your inner critic? How about jumping on my next Imposter Syndrome Mastermind or grabbing some one-to-one sessions with me?

 

Prefer reading? Here’s your transcript:

“Close your eyes,” I said to my then-boyfriend-now-husband. We had been going out for over a year.

“I’ve got a test for you – do I wear mostly baggy t-shirts or more fitted tops?” I asked, with a giggle.

He’s a visual thinker, so I figured this one would be easy for him. But the tiny signs of tension in his face showed he was having to play through his entire album of images of ‘Clare’, to get to the answer.

“Baggy tops!” he announced, with a sense of conviction and a satisfied smile.

“Open your eyes…” And he saw me wearing a fitted top. “I don’t own any baggy t-shirts,” I replied.

I had to get used to the fact that Hubs rarely notices what I wear. And to get over it! I learned that, if I wanted ‘feedback’ (aka, no your bum doesn’t look big in that, darling’) I would need to swallow my pride, ditch my preconceptions over how he ‘should’ behave and simply ask.

So, zooming forward 8 years, yesterday morning he surprised me. I was wearing a bright blue t-shirt that I was given by one of my business suppliers and was heading out to tackle the overgrown jungle we pretend is our veg patch. Totally unprovoked, The Husband says, “That colour really suits you.“

“Wha…?!“

“I said, that colour really suits you.“

Unfamiliar territory. Not only did The Man notice what I was wearing, but for perhaps only the third time in our relationship, he expressed an opinion, without being prompted.

My initial response was a slightly confused, “Thank you.“

But, as I walked downstairs, my inner critic kicked in.

“Hang on – he never comments on what I wear. So if he thinks this colour really suits me, does that mean all the other colours I wear look terrible?!” And then my mind leafed through its virtual wardrobe, flashing up image-memories of all my favourite outfits – the ones my husband had never noticed or commented on. But perhaps he hadn’t commented on these because they look terrible? And he’s too polite to say? He didn’t want to hurt my feelings? And that’s why he waited until I was wearing a corporate baggy t-shirt to go out gardening before finally finding something I look good in?

By the time I reached the kitchen, I had half-convinvced myself that I was such a blimp that only tent-dresses would suit me and that I needed to chuck out half of my wardrobe.

How Did This Happen?

I generally have my inner critic pretty-much tamed, but sometimes it catches me unawares, especially if there’s an emotional ‘button’ hanging around, ready to be pressed (and released). So as I walked down those stairs, my brain fired off the neurons that fed ‘not good enough’ thoughts. These found the neural pathways in my brain that have rehearsed this discussion, many times, over the years.

Then the bit of my brain that filters information – keeps you sane and free from sensory overload – sped through its hard-wired filing system to find examples from my history to support the thoughts I was thinking. It’s called the Reticular Activating System and it’s brilliant for those times when you don’t want to be consciously aware of the air pressure in your left ear, but not so great if you’d prefer your inner critic to take a break.

But It wasn’t All In My Head…

Then, with the current thought-story-drama being cranked up by the decades of memories of every time I had doubted whether I looked good or judged my body, those thoughts were triggering hormones that flooded my body’s cells with ‘not good enough’ emotions. Those cells have receptors that pick up on emotions (basically a chemical reaction in your body) and those cell receptors did a happy dance, because – at some crazy level – they are addicted to the ‘not good enough’ emotion and they were getting a fix!

The hormones / cell receptors sent messages to my brain saying, “More of this, please! Haven’t had this fix for a while!” and my brain obliged. And so the cycle grew until a throwaway compliment about a t-shirt colour mutated into full-blown body-shaming self-doubt.

The whole thing took less than a minute – to go from happy to inner-critic-fest.

It didn’t matter that the rational bit of my mind knows I’m not humungous. Or that I am perfectly capable of knowing what looks good on me and what doesn’t. The inner-critic-hormone-cell-receptor dance happens at a subconscious level and it quickly took on a life of its own.

[Tweet “Did you know your inner critic isn’t all in your head? Here’s how to tame it in under 60s. #entrepreneur”]

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But It Doesn’t Just Happen With Clothes

When someone makes a throwaway comment about, say, a presentation or report you did, it can quickly trigger auto-pilot responses that leave you wishing you could run to the ladies’ and flush your own head down the loo.

A slightly ‘off’ look from a stranger can trigger us fast-tracking stories about how we must have done something to upset them. Maybe we’re a ‘bad’ person.

A snarky comment from one of our kids can trigger us diving into our inner drama about all the reasons why we’re a bad mum and wondering how much we need to save for their therapy, once they leave home, when actually it was just down to their blood sugar being low.

I’m curious: what are your personal favourites on this? What triggers you diving – without control – into your inner critic’s story-head?

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Time To Tame Your Inner Critic?

If this ever happens to you, then you’re in great company. Yet we rarely ever talk to each other about this. Most of the time we pretend everything’s fine, even if we’re secretly falling apart, inside.

I work with senior business women and women business owners, who are passionate about making a bigger difference in the world, as well as being the best mum they can be. And one of the first clients I ever worked with, back in 2002, taught me about something I now know is rampant, in every boardroom in the country and behind pretty much every desk:

Imposter Syndrome – Feeling Like A Fraud.

It happens when your outside-world actions trigger personal growth – to become more of the person you really are – but your inner view of ‘who am I’ hasn’t caught up with that yet.

In mild cases, it’s annoying and you have to work round it. In worse cases, it leads to self-sabotage and subconsciously choosing not to take inspired action on your dreams.

Most of us go through life achieving and creating what we do, despite Imposter Syndrome. We work round it. We push through it. But it can be exhausting and demoralising and is the most common reason why we give up on our dreams.

If you’re prepared to put in the time and effort, there’s plenty you can do to release the root causes and set yourself free from Imposter Syndrome, as my Masterminders know. But when you’re stuck in the middle of a full-blown onslaught of ‘not good enough’ thought-drama, you don’t have time for navel-gazing.

And that’s where my simple, 3-step ABC process comes in. I teach it to students and clients for times when they need to press ‘pause’ on their inner critic. But if your inner critic is on the motorway towards a bout of Imposter Syndrome, then you need one extra question, to turn things around and tame your inner critic.

ABC – How To Press ‘Pause’ On Imposter Syndrome – How To Tame Your Inner Critic

You know that thought-hormone-chemical-reaction-cell-receptor cycle we talked about earlier? Well, you can press ‘pause’ at any of the points and you’ll stop that dance. You’ll set yourself free from the negative self-talk and the icky emotions.

And my ABC process is one of the simplest ways to do that.

A = Awareness & Acceptance

They say that ‘awareness is the key to change’. If you don’t realise you’re thinking and feeling thoughts that make you feel bad, then you’re not going to be able to do anything about them. So it really helps to pay attention to your body and emotions. If you notice you’re feeling grumpy, stressed, tense, miserable or whichever other flavour is running, pause for a moment and notice which thought you’re thinking.

Become aware of it, without trying to change it or judge it or tell yourself stories about how {insert your favourite self-judging attribute here} you are. Allow yourself to simply observe this thought – accepting it.

This presses ‘pause’ on that hormone cycle.

B = Breathe

Yes, obviously I know you’ll be breathing, because otherwise there wouldn’t be much thinking going on. But this is about using your breath to get out of your stress-head and back into your body, getting grounded and coming back to this moment.

So gently close your eyes (assuming it’s safe to do so) and become aware of your breathing. If it feels comfortable for you, move your breathing from your upper chest back down to your upper belly / diaphragm area. Relax your shoulders, jaw and neck. Now allow yourself to become fully absorbed by your breathing and the physical sensations of it as you breathe in and breathe out. If you’re feeling really tense, you might find that the first few breaths help you to let go if you sigh as you breathe out.

If your mind needs a job, it can recite the following mantras, silently: In-breath: I breathe in.
Out-breath: I breathe out.

Do this for at least ten breaths, allowing yourself to let go of any physical tension with each out-breath.
You’ll probably find that your breathing rate has slowed. After a minute or so of this, you will have started the process of rebalancing your nervous system and your thoughts are likely to be slowing down. You’ll probably find that the tension in your solar plexus area has decreased, your jaw has relaxed and the area around your eyes will feel softer.

And now C is for choose.

When you’re in this calmer place, choose to let go of the thought that had been making you feel bad. You might want to imagine it floating across the sky like a cloud, or perhaps sitting on a conveyer belt, moving into the distance. Let it go. It is in the past, now.

If the story is feeling stuck or you’re resisting letting it go, you can ask yourself the question:

“What’s really true about this?”

Let the answers bubble up. It takes you out of the drama and back into hard facts, which pauses the emotional cycle and gives you back your power to choose which thoughts to feed.

And when you feel ready, pick a thought that lifts your spirits. You might want to think of something you feel grateful for, saying a silent, heartfelt ‘thank you’. Or perhaps choosing to re-experience a happy memory.

Or maybe you’ll just wait to see which thought bubbles up next. Do this one thought at a time. There’s no judgement. And the more often you practise it with slightly annoying, niggling thoughts, the easier you’ll find the process if a biggie comes up. It’s amazing how quickly this can shift your experience of life.

So there you have it – ABC – Accept, Breathe, Choose.

Simple, yet surprisingly effective.

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[Tweet “Want to tame your #innercritic? Here’s how – in under 60 seconds.”]

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More On The Baggy Blue T-Shirt, In A Moment, But First…

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Would You Like A Workbook And Virtual-Mentoring Audio to guide you through the ABC technique?

It’s yours, as my gift! Register – free – below and you’ll get instant access to:

  • a deep-dive workbook for how to spot thoughts that might cause you to self-sabotage, without realising
  • plus an audio to guide you through the workbook, so it feels like we’re working together, one-to-one
  • and an inner critic MP3 you can download to guide you through the ABC technique, so it’s there for you, whenever you need it

Yes! I Want My Workbook & Audio!

Fill in your details to get instant access. Plus you'll get my weekly-ish Dare to Dream Bigger newsletter, packed with 'inside work' inspiration.

P.S. I hate spam, too. I promise to be very kind to your email address & you can unsub, any time, if you don't want to hear from me. x Clare 

You’re In!

Here’s your workbook:

Click the image to view it online or right click and choose ‘save as’ (or similar) to download it.

Here’s your exercise audio:

 

And here’s the ABC technique:

To download the MP3, so you’ve got it with you, whenever you need it, right click this link and choose ‘save as’ (or similar!).

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Want More On How To Tame Your Inner Critic?

My latest book is Dare To Dream Bigger – the ‘inside work’ handbook for entrepreneurs and passionate world-changers. It is dubbed the ‘inside work MBA’ by its readers. And it takes you through how to step up to the next level on your passionate world-changer journey, in 7 practical steps.

Step 2 is all about how to crank up your confidence, without putting on an act or selling your soul! And page 131 onwards includes inspiration and down-to-earth strategies for:

  • ‘how to handle ‘sticky’ thoughts – the ones that keep coming back or that resist flowing on through
  • an exercise on the dangers of ‘don’t’ and how to choose a new thought to feed, so it empowers you, rather than accidentally sabotaging your confidence
  • how our negative self-talk turns into limiting beliefs
  • the little-known reason why change so often doesn’t work and we fall back into bad habits – and what you can do about it
  • how to set yourself free from limiting beliefs and – in step 7 – how to turn your inner critic into your biggest cheerleader

If that is resonating for you, you’ll love Dare To Dream Bigger. And I’m going to give you a bonus, if you buy your copy today.

Want My Imposter Syndrome Emergency-Quick-Fix Video Training – As My Gift?

You can order it from the Big Bookstore In The Sky or you can get a signed copy, straight from me.  Once you’ve got your copy (order it direct and I give you a PDF so you can start reading it in the next couple of minutes), click this link to get instant access to my Imposter Syndrome Emergency Quick Fix video training, which is normally £47.

It’s yours, as my gift, to thank you for taking action on your Inner Critic and Imposter Syndrome today.

Here’s a reminder of where to sign up to get my bonus video training: www.clarejosa.com/dtdbimpostersyndrome/

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And If You’re Ready To Deal With Your Limiting Beliefs?

Check out my training on Udemy: How To Ditch A Limiting Belief In Under 5 Minutes.

To thank you for taking action to step up and deal with those hidden blocks, here’s a coupon code that will get you this training for half price:

https://www.udemy.com/limitingbeliefs/?couponCode=BELIEFS35

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What Happened About My Baggy Blue T-Shirt?

Well, by the time I reached the kettle, I had spotted how my thoughts were getting out of control. I did the ABC process and got grounded, with a clearer perspective.

I remember that Hubs has been putting more effort in to connect and be kind lately and he’s moving out of a period of stress, so his comment was a genuine example of him noticing me and wanting to be kind. It was a spontaneous compliment.

None of the stuff about tents is true. But it was a reminder that it’s time for me to go and do some work on my ‘good enough’ triggers!

I went out to plant some veggies and show some cheeky weeds the sharp side of my hoe and was able to laugh at how quickly I had got stressed, by being complimented. And I said a heartfelt ‘thank you’ to the part of me that had reacted, because she was showing me that it’s time to let those old stories go.

And my chickens didn’t care what I looked like. 😉

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Do You Know Anyone Else Who Needs To Tame Their Inner Critic?

Please feel free to share this article – far and wide – with any fellow world-changers who need to tame their inner critic. If it has helped you, chances are they’ll love it, too.

And if you run a popular blog / podcast and would like to interview me or get a guest post on imposter syndrome and how to tame your inner critic, please get in touch. I’d love to hear from you.

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And It’s Over To You:

How had your inner critic been getting in the way? What shifted with the ABC process?

And how might you remind yourself to play with this technique?

Let me know, via the comments.[/page_section]

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With love, Namaste,

Clare Josa, ‘Inside Work’ Mentor To Passionate World-Changers

P.S. Want to deep-dive on this and get to the root of your Imposter Syndrome issues? Is it finally time to tame your inner critic? How about jumping on my next Imposter Syndrome Mastermind or grabbing some one-to-one sessions with me?

You Shouldn’t Ignore That Pesky Monkey Mind – Because You Get What You Believe…

How To Change Your Life

I was working with a mentoring client recently who is talented, quick-thinking and highly motivated, but also feeling miserable, frustrated and stressed.

It didn’t take much probing to discover that an out-of-date belief of “life has to be hard work” was causing much of the problem. And this person didn’t even realise they were running that belief… Fortunately getting it sorted was

A belief is like a filter in your mind. It impacts what you notice – what you’re aware of – how you experience life.

Not knowing how to handle your beliefs can lead to you feeling stuck and at the whim of life. If you have had enough of that and you’re ready to take back control, then the techniques in this article will help you move things to the next level. Are you ready to set yourself free?

What we believe is what we get.

Let’s use an example to illustrate this:

Imagine that Fred has been working on a report for his boss. He knows it’s a good report, but he also believes that his boss will criticise it and make him feel bad. After all, it has “always been that way”.

What kind of mood do you think Fred is in, when he goes into his boss’s office? That’s right – tense, nervous, a bit stressed, perhaps ready for a fight.Click here to share on FacebookHis boss reads the report and sees that it is really good. He and Fred have a discussion about it. The boss acknowledges the good stuff and makes one or two suggestions for improvement.

Instead of leaving the office feeling upbeat and motivated, how do you think Fred is feeling? That’s right – cross, hurt, annoyed and generally fed up. Why? Because his belief – the filter – didn’t spot the good feedback. He was looking for the criticism, so that’s all he experienced. He was looking for the criticism, so his mind filtered out the positive feedback and immediately started feeding stories around the bad bits – all tied in with how unfair his boss is.

Our beliefs are like choices that get stuck in time. Once we have made them, instead of setting us free, they close the doors to other choices. They limit other responses because they have such a major impact on our experience of life.

Another example:
It’s something that scientists and researchers, for example, struggle with all the time. I remember from my college days that even physical world research (conducting wear experiments on diesel engine exhaust valves!) was at risk of my beliefs.

And guess what impacted that interpretation?
You’ve got it: my beliefs – my hypothesis – about what the causes of the wear might be.

It took a “second opinion” in the form of my supervisor (who had different beliefs) to help me stay open-minded with the data, rather than dismissing the information that contradicted my theory.

But it’s not just the “bad beliefs” you need to watch out for!

It’s obvious to see how a “negative” belief can be limiting. But even a so-called “empowering belief” can restrict your choices. When things change, then that old empowering belief could hold you back from your growth and expansion! The empowering belief puts you in a box, just as much as a “negative” belief. The only difference is that the empowering belief has a longer shelf life, before it causes problems!

So if a “good” belief can do that, just imagine how much a “bad” one can do!

The great news is that we can change our limiting beliefs.

They’re far from being set in stone. Father Christmas, tooth fairies, the world being flat – beliefs can change.

And, if we’re on a path of personal growth, then spotting our beliefs and bringing them into our conscious awareness is a critical key for setting ourselves free from the auto-pilot programmes that most of us are running.

Every time you spot yourself reacting to something in a way that doesn’t make you feel good, chances are there’s a belief at play, that needs some attention. There are techniques we can use to dissolve away the old belief and choose more flexibility and freedom in our lives.

Click To Tweet This: Our beliefs impact what we expect. And what we expect is what we will see.

If you expect miracles, they will find you.
And giving gratitude for what you already have is one of the most effective ways to become a magnet for miracles.

Click To Tweet This: Beliefs, like clothes, were never intended to be worn forever. If they no longer fit, it’s time to say goodbye!

We pick up our beliefs from the most random of places – usually without even realising.

Sometimes we get them from our family or teachers, sometimes we pick them up from the media and our perception of society’s beliefs and expectations of us.

Wherever they come from, all beliefs have one thing in common:

Our beliefs either block or enable that which we want create in our lives.

How to handle a limiting belief?

One of the easiest techniques is simply to notice the problem and ask yourself:

“What is it I believe about this situation or this person? Is that the more resourceful belief I could hold?”
No? What could I choose to believe instead?

If you notice yourself doing, saying or thinking something that no longer “fits” for you today, all you need to do is catch yourself at this game and allow yourself to choose another option.Click here to share this on Facebook.

And if you really want to dive in and deal with some old, out-dated limiting beliefs, there are some ways you can make it easier for yourself:

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Have you ever spotted your beliefs holding you back? And if you get to play with today’s technique, which shifts did you notice?

How about sharing your experiences via the comments box. I’d love to hear from you.

And if you know someone who might appreciate a nudge, please do share this article with them!

With love, Namaste,
CJ Sig

3 Surefire Ways To Let Go Of Negative Self-Talk

How To Change Your Life

Have You Had Enough Of Your Inner Critic Yet? (3 Things You’ll Want To Start Today!)

We’ve all got one – that critic on your shoulder who makes sure you know exactly how rubbish you are in life, just when you most need to find your cheerleader-in-a-closet. And we do everything we can to eliminate that inner loudspeaker of negative self talk. But what if there were a way to sort your inner critic, once and for all? And what if you could get started – and make a noticeable difference – in the next five minutes? [Read more…] about 3 Surefire Ways To Let Go Of Negative Self-Talk

Fed Up Of Being Held Back By Limiting Beliefs? How To Let One Go In The Next Sixty Seconds

featured, How To Change Your Life

Are you fed up of being held back by limiting beliefs?
Have you had enough of not being able to turn your dreams into reality, because you’re blocking and sabotaging your progress?
Are you ready to have a clear-out and move on up to the next level?

Here’s my favourite sixty second process for clearing out a limiting belief – a long-cherished excuse – and setting yourself free to move closer to the life you have been dreaming of.

Beliefs, like clothes, were never intended to be worn forever. If they’re tired out and no longer fit, it’s time to say goodbye!

We pick up our beliefs from the most random of places.
Sometimes we get them from our family or teachers, sometimes we pick them up from the media and our perception of society’s beliefs and expectations of us.
Wherever they come from, all beliefs have one thing in common:

Our beliefs either block or enable that which we create in our lives.

Fed Up Of Being Held Back By Limiting Beliefs? How To Let One Go In The Next Sixty Seconds https://www.clarejosa.com/featured/fed-up-of-being-held-back-by-limiting-beliefs-how-to-let-one-go-in-the-next-sixty-seconds/

Got any old beliefs hanging around in there, that no longer serve your highest good?
How about having a good rummage and clearing a few out?
Letting them go is much less effort than hanging on to them and looking after them, year after year, as they keep you stuck in old habits and out-dated ways of living.
And you get all the fun of choosing the new replacements, as an added bonus.

Want a sixty second technique to help you let go of an old belief, right now?

Here goes!

  1. Choose a belief that no longer fits.
    How to spot one of these?
    Think of something you really want to acheive, create or experience, but have been struggling with.
    Now finish the following sentence:
    “I can’t do this, because….”
    The word ‘because‘ allows you to uncover your (potentially well-hidden) excuse. This helps you to spot the limiting belief that has been holding you back.
  2. Next allow the belief to soften.
    I’m not a big fan of positive affirmations. Telling your unconscious mind that a belief it has spent decades reinforcing with carefully-collected evidence is not true is a great way to set up an inner conflict, which always brings trouble.
    As Carl Jung reminds us: “What we resist persists.”
    So if we go around bashing our beliefs, we’re likely to end up feeling miserable and demoralised.
    Instead, allow the belief to soften; to melt; to gently be released, rather than forcing it into the dustbin, kicking and screaming.
    One way to soften a belief – to open your heart and mind to the possibility that it doesn’t need to be true for you any more – is to ask yourself the questions:
  • Is this really true?
  • Who says?
  • Will the ‘future me’ thank me for letting go of this out-of-date belief?

Feel it starting to soften and melt away, like butter in the hot summer’s sun.

  • Choose to let it go.
    Letting go of them is simply a matter of choosing. “I choose to let go of this belief; I don’t need it any more.”
    It doesn’t have to be any more difficult than that – unless you want it to be 😉
  • And then get curious: “What would my ‘future me’ like me to believe instead?”
    (That question might send your head into a bit of a spin – that’s ok!)
    Play with new ideas of what you could believe instead.
    Try them on for size.
    What kinds of thoughts are they thinking? How would it be if you were to start thinking those thoughts, right now?
    Imagine you have incorporated them into your life and zoom forwards a couple of decades – how does it feel? Really allow yourself to experiment with the curiosity and excitement of a young child, while you choose your new, more empowering beliefs.

That’s it!
Sorry if you wanted it to be more complicated. 😉

All you need to do now is to remember to keep polishing that new empowering belief.

Maybe write it down on a post-it and stick it in your wallet, where you’ll see it every day? Put it on the mirror, for when you’re brushing your teeth? Perhaps you could set it as an appointment reminder to ‘ping up’ on your computer every couple of hours for a few days?

How else could you get creative and remind yourself to play with your new empowering belief?

There’s absolutely no need for it to be difficult, if you do it with a lightness of heart and a dollop of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness.

Want More? Join me for my Limiting Beliefs Masterclass and learn how to spot them, before they cause problems, AND set yourself free from their secret sabotage or your success.

Want to have a go at this?
Which worn-out, old beliefs could you choose to let go of today?
How about sharing how you get on, via the comments box, below?

Namaste,
clare-josa

Why “Can” Is NOT The Opposite Of “Can’t”!

featured, Inspirational Messages

There’s no such thing as “can’t”. But that doesn’t mean you can.

My great aunty Yo was famous for being a teeny bit dotty, but she had a secret that she shared generously, with all who would listen.

I remember the no such thing as can’t message being thrown back at me every time she spotted one of my excuses, as a kid. Back then, I didn’t appreciate her secret much.

What's stopping you?
What's stopping you?

Couldn’t she see? Of course I couldn’t do xyz…

Then, as I got older, I started to understand. She wasn’t trying to tell me that, at 5’2″ tall, there was nothing stopping me from being an Olympic high jumper.

She just wanted me to see the blindingly obvious truth:

“I can’t” was my excuse for anything I didn’t want to do – or didn’t believe I could do.

At a gentle level, she was helping me to learn that there are only two things that were ever going to get in my way:

1. What I believe is possible.
2. What I choose to do / not to do.

For so many of us who are used to positive thinking and all its friends, you might think that the fix for this one is to replace “can’t” with “can”. But it doesn’t work…

If we have invested time and effort into creating a belief that we can’t do something, simply picking the positive affirmation that we ‘can’ do it doesn’t change that belief. Instead, it sets up an internal conflict:

Our thinking mind says yes. Our unconscious mind (which runs the show, by the way), says no.

All that is likely to happen is that you’ll feel frustrated and miserable. If you try it out now on a “can’t” belief, you’ll most likely notice that it causes physical tension, too.

So what’s the answer?

Maybe. Perhaps. Might.

Think of that “can’t” belief. Instead of forcing in a “can”, try softening things with…

“Perhaps I might…”

Can you feel the difference? You’re opening up the possibility – gently and without creating resistance. Then, as your old belief dissolves, ‘maybe’ will naturally shift into ‘probably’, soon to become a ‘can’.

Isn’t that a kinder way of making changes in your life?

Got an opinion on this one? We’d love to hear your views via the comments box!

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